Second Acts

December 27, 2005

Volume 1, Issue 5- December - Special Issue

"...experience is the best teacher;" why don't we learn from it?"

 

Achieving Happiness While Confronting Cheating

This Issue ...

 

 

 

 

"... you MUST choose to communicate your feelings, and either reach a mutually agreeable solution, where you are GENUINELY happy, or get out of the miserable situation."

 

 

 

Achieving Happiness While Confronting Cheating
By Michele Alexander Owner of 4 The Perfect Fit Coaching and Consulting

All of us have been in relationships. Some are great!!! Some aren't so great. All are work.

Even though it's said, "experience is the best teacher;" why don't we learn from it? Why do we keep dating people who hold us hostage; by the lack of commitment they are willing to give, in our relationship? Are our expectations in a romantic relationships, so different than anywhere else in our lives; i.e., work, relatives, girlfriends, etc? It's wonderfully that many women are such naturally caring and giving individuals. But why is self-care on the backburner? Why do some of us, let ourselves get trapped and become abused by our partner's choices when we have a choice? Finally, why is it, when we make a decision, is it so difficult, for us to move forward, and live the life we desire. It's not easy; but, its very possible. This special edition of "Second Acts" is dedicated to acknowledging infidelity, getting unstuck, and moving forward, from any relationship where there is cheating, and start achieving the happiness we deserve.

Also, don't forget to come join me, Wednesday, November 30th, at the Harlem Grill, to hear what you can do to discover and move beyond a cheater and "own" your life.

How to Stop Settling in Your Relationship
By Barbara Rose, Ph.D.

  1. How can I know or recognize when I am settling in my life?
  2. I feel so scared to make changes, how can I change that?
  3. Why is it so hard to make the moves I know I need to make?
  4. What can I tell myself to make it easier to stop settling in my life?
  5. When I do make the changes I know I need to make, how can I feel safer?
  6. What can help me to never settle again for the rest of my life?

THE ANSWERS

  1. How can I know or recognize when I am settling in my life?
    Here is where your feelings are truly your best friend. You will feel dissatisfied and frustrated - a lot! You will feel unhappy with the situation at hand, no matter WHAT area of life it is.

    The most important thing here is to HONOR YOUR FEELINGS!!! If you went outside, and it was 3 degrees, and you were in a bathing suit, I would venture to say that you would feel cold. What that feeling is telling you is to "change" your clothes, to take care of yourself so that you do not catch your death of cold.

    This is a simple analogy on the physical level, and of course this translates to the emotional and spiritual level as well. When you are feeling unhappy in a situation, the ONLY thing you can do is consciously choose to make a change in your life. You must honor how you feel, so that you can come into conscious alignment with what you prefer that is for your highest good. Many times this translates into feelings within a relationship, or work, among the countless other life circumstances this applies to.

    If you are feeling misery, then you MUST choose to communicate your feelings, and either reach a mutually agreeable solution, where you are GENUINELY happy, or get out of the miserable situation.
    Avoidance, and going through the motions in life is really placing yourself on a treadmill, and getting nowhere - fast, as well as increasing your low self worth in the process. It does take guts and courage to express yourself, and follow your truth. This is the ONLY way you can move from misery to joy on all levels of your life.

    I do guarantee to you that once you do find the courage, you will feel a positive surge from deep within. That is your indicator that you are following your truth, and you will feel a great deal of inner joy as a result. It is certainly worth the perceived risk - it is, after all, your life.

  2. I feel so scared to make changes, how can I change that?

    There is a book title by Susan Jeffers that I love: "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."

    We ALL feel afraid when we are moving out of our comfort (read: miserable) zone.

    Feeling fear is a fantastic indicator that you are actually coming into conscious awareness of your dissatisfaction, and are about to DO something about it - so that you can be happy! All you really need to do is remind yourself that some of the greatest people throughout the course of humanity were also petrified to stand in their truth, and do what they feared most, BECAUSE of their truth - and they did it anyway.

    Once you begin to move into your truth, nothing can stop you, and you become a positive force for good in this world. You will begin to emit a higher frequency energy, and look as well as feel more vibrant and alive!

    This is well worth the fear that WILL ALWAYS PASS! Fear is just another emotion. All emotions are transient. Your truth, however, is eternal. Once you stand in your truth, even if you are shaking inside, you set a whole new energy system into action - it is a vastly positive one, and you will begin to be fueled with a much higher energy stemming from your truth, which will help you to take the next step that is facing you.

    Just remember that the fear WILL pass, and your life will be so much better, freer, and more alive once you are living according to your highest truth from deep within. It is an example so many people need, and do not underestimate the difference your example can make, as well as how you can reach others because of the courage you had to stand in your truth. It is far more important than standing in your fear (False Evidence Appearing Real.)

    Once you make the moves in your actions, be it speech, or physical actions, you will feel SO much better. I can really guarantee this.

  3. Why is it so hard to make the moves I know I need to make?

    Because your head (ego) is clinging on to the past as your only "safe" reality, and it is way out of the ego's domain to move into the now moment - where all truth emanates.

    The ego lives in the past or the future. Your Soul, however, is ALWAYS in the now moment, trying to get you to feel what you are feeling so that you can honor your truth, and move higher in your personal evolution.

    It appears to be scary. It may feel scary, however, the only "difficulty" is perceived lack on some level, or perceived loss, when in reality (truth) you are moving into winner territory.

    By "winner" I mean that you are moving higher. You are getting un-stuck. You are daring to be your best, despite how you feel: (scared.)

    The soul knows the rewards by honoring truth. The ego clings to the past, and fears the new future. The ONLY way to go with Soul level wisdom is to move into the now moment, and dare to be real - to yourself. Dare to speak your truth. Dare to follow up in your daily actions, stemming from your truth. This is the only way you can evolve - it is having the self-love to risk being true to self, no matter how scary it may feel.

    Once you take the first step, the rest are so much easier! I can guarantee that too.

  4. What can I tell myself to make it easier to stop settling in my life?

    Tell yourself that you were born to become your highest expression of Self in this lifetime, and the only way you can be, see, feel, touch and experience your highest expression of Self is when you give yourself permission to do so.

    YOU are the ONLY one that can give yourself permission to move into your truth, and follow up in your actions. No one can do this for you.

    Ask yourself if you would like to really experience all that you are? Yes, You would. And you deserve to.

    Once you begin to move in this direction, you will feel much more confident with the next steps that are facing you. There is only the need to live one moment at a time. You cannot plan it all out, but you can live and express, as well as follow up in your actions your truth IN THE MOMENT.

    This is the moment - it is the only moment you will ever live in after all. You came into this life to thrive, not stifle yourself from thriving. Give yourself permission to thrive, and remember that it is okay to ask for help from people that have been through what you are going through. There are many people that can be examples to help you through your process. Ask for some guidance, and allow yourself to feel what it is like to really live in your truth on all levels. It is SO worth it!

  5. When I do make the changes I know I need to make, how can I feel safer?

    The only feeling of "safety" you can have is by staying focused on this moment, and every time your head takes you into the past or the future, pull yourself back into this now moment, and focus instead on what you are doing, and what you are creating, as well as why, and you will feel much better.

    It takes conscious effort to pull yourself into now. However, now is really all you have! You are not in your past, or your future. So focus on where you are, and DECIDE what you want to be, do and create in this now moment. That will fill you up with excitement, which will replace any "unsafe" feelings you may have.

  6. What can help me to never settle again for the rest of my life?
    Look at the people that were once in your shoes, and found the courage to DO something about it, then, follow their example. You can either stay in misery, or bring it ALL out into the open, and choose what it is that you want, how you can get there - either solo or with another, and actively move in that direction on all levels.

    Your words, thoughts, feelings, and actions have to ALL MATCH. This way, you are living your truth. Did you come into this life to lie to yourself? No. Did you come into this life to feel on every level the magnificence of your being? Yes, you did.

    Your Soul WANTS to thrive. It is up to your free will and choice if you are going to give yourself permission to do so. You are not here to be a victim, or the "fixer". Your self worth does NOT hinge on your partner, or job, or status, or bank account.

    Your self worth hinges only on pure love and truth. If you can be honest with yourself, you can own your truth. Once you own your truth, you can move in that direction on all levels (even if you feel scared to death.)

    Your liberation from suffering exists solely and completely in YOUR hands, and there cannot be blame on another for your lot in life. You have the CHOICE to choose to remain in misery, or move into authenticity.

    I encourage you to move into your truth, on all levels of your life, and if you need some support, contact me - that's my job : )
    Put yourself on equal footing with the rest of humanity, and stop comparing yourself to others, or worrying about what others are going to think of you. That does not matter. The only thing that matters is that you are living an authentic life, with all of your passion, heart and soul. You do NOT NEED anyone else for this. If you are not receiving what you prefer, and there is no solution at hand, then it is up to you to move the direction of your life into what you DO prefer. Realize that your feelings matter. When you feel REAL, you will have so much more energy, creativity, passion, and you will really feel your sense of purpose, as well as make a difference on our planet.

    Did it ever occur to you that you are needed? Did it ever occur to you that as a result of your courage, you can help to change the course of life on Earth for the better? Did you ever think about what you COULD do if you stood in your truth? THAT is what you must keep in mind. We need more examples like you, and do not ever underestimate the difference your example can make. You would not be facing the choices in front of you if there was not a Higher reason for them.

    Remember that on a Soul level, your evolution is the sole purpose for coming into this life. Live with Soul, and you will be making much more of a difference than you may realize, not only for you, but for others that will follow in your footsteps.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

About The Author

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. most widely known as "Born To Inspire" is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation, relationships and spiritual/human potential. A pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication the study and integration of humanity's God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution.

A best-selling author, her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, tele-seminars, widely published articles, webcasts, and private intensives have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. Barbara is known for providing life-changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide. She is the founder of IHSC - Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine, Rose Humanitarian Alliance, and The Rose Group publishing company.

Barbara holds a Ph.D. in Metaphysics and works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Visit her website: http://www.borntoinspire.com

Back to TOC

Surviving Heartbreak Hell
By: Rachelle Arlin Credo


It's been months since your breakup but you're still stuck in bed grieving over your lost love. You couldn't eat (or stop eating), sleep or work because he's all you could ever think of. You keep repeating your heartbreak mantra, "Why did he leave me...what did I do?" as you succumb to a series of hysterical crying fits. You're officially a victim of a broken heart.

So how do you smart from a brush-off? Here are some tips to help you survive heartbreak hell.

1. Lose it

Moan. Sob. Let it all hang out. Rid yourself of all-consuming anger and vent every ounce of vitriol in your system. Allow yourself a good wallow. Take a pillow and pretend it was him and do everything with it the way you'd want to get back at him. Throw all his letters and photos away. Call your friends and tell them your heartaches for the 20th time. Grieve your heart out on a guy who was no better than a rotten carcass.

2. Accept what you can't change
So, it's over. This may be hard to swallow but the reality is it's all over and there's nothing you can do about it. You are left without a choice but to believe and accept it. Remember, acceptance is the key to healing.

3. Work It Out

Put your positive attitude at work and head to the gym for some 30-minute work out a day. Exercise won't only sweep the mopey mood away but it will also make you feel and look good as it helps pump out endorphins, the body's natural chemicals that make you feel strong and oozing with sex appeal.

4. Aromatherapy for the heart

Aromatherapy is believed to lift depression and soothe irritable nerves. If you haven't tried it, you should try it now as it works wonders not just to your body but also to your mind and spirit. Here's a quick recipe: Fill a 10-ounce bottle of organic vegetable oil with 9 drops of lavender oil, 15 drops of sandalwood oil, 4 drops of rose essential oil and 10 drops of warm water. Dispense 10 drops of the mixture to a warm bath and you're ready to soak!

5. Put a front if necessary

You may still be experiencing emotional turmoil inside but if you stay confined within the four walls of your room chances are you'll feel even more miserable. Get out and show the world that you're not an emotional wreck. Crack a smile and flash those pearly whites. At first, you may find it awkward putting on a face but soon enough you'd become so good at it you'd be doing it for real, without even noticing it yourself.

6. Adopt a pet
Need some lovin'? Get a pet. Pets aren't only cuddly and affectionate but are also a good diversion of your time and focus. Sure you crave human affection but unlike humans, your pet can't talk so the chances of getting yourself hurt are slim, at least not emotionally.

7. Close the door

Don't be a fool for love. If he keeps calling you to ask for another chance or to tell you that he has someone new but wants to stay as friends, don't bite. You won't only be allowing yourself to fall in love with him again but you're also making yourself believe subconsciously that there's something left in him for you when the truth is, there's none. False hopes mean nothing but emotional boo-boos.

8. Get busy

Discover things you love to do that you weren't able to explore because he didn't approve of them when you were still together. Schedule night-outs with friends and engage in activities you haven't done before. With so many things to occupy your mind, you'd be so busy to even think about your heartbreak.

9. Move on
An end of a relationship doesn't mean an end of you. You don't need a man to make you feel like a real woman. If he can't see what's beautiful and special about you, what kind of man is he? Not someone worth your time, it's clear. Not someone who deserves you either.

Breakups can be very painful and tormenting. Sometimes, it even makes us feel like dying. Funny how we feel so hedonistically wonderful when we are in love then end up feeling gruesomely dreadful after a breakup. Nevertheless, it's a risk that we all have to take. While there's promise in loving, there are no guarantees. So live and love. Get hurt and love again. After all, there's no joy without pain and no bliss without hell.

© 2005 Rachelle Arlin Credo. All rights reserved.

About The Author

Rachelle Arlin Credo is an entrepreneur and relationship coach. She also works as an image consultant and part-time writer. Her literary works have been published in various magazines and online publications.

Back to TOC

 

 

4 The Perfect Fit Coaching & Consulting

New York, NY 10128

Phone:
(212) 987-6177

E-mail
coach@4ThePerfectFit.com

We're on the Web!
www.4ThePerfectFit.com

 

Why He May Be Cheating On You?


There could be all sorts of reasons known only to your man, but there are also those reasons in which women may contribute to, such as: You Let Yourself Go, You Lost Yourself In Him, or You Have No Ambition along with many others. Sometimes women live for their men. They spend all their waking time taking care of them, and at the end of the day, they still haven't accomplished anything for themselves.

You are thinking all alone that this is what he wants in a woman, when all along, he wants the complete opposite. Women get caught up too often trying to be the woman that they think their men want. He wants you to be you. After all, the woman you were when you two met, is who he wants you to be. Never pretend to be something you're not, because you'll have to keep up this charade for the remainder of the relationship. That's hard to keep up. You start to get relaxed and too comfortable in the relationship and that's when the "real you" starts to gradually come out. Be yourself in the beginning and eliminate the future problems of him going out and maybe cheating on you because you've changed.

Women also essentially end up resenting their men, because they have put their goals and dreams aside. The women make their choices, but somewhere in between, they become unhappy with the choices they have made. They start acting depressed, miserable, and sad all the time, because they are not happy. This is when he starts to get tired of looking at you miserable everyday. He starts seeing a woman who makes him laugh again, who he starts to have fun with and where does this leave you? Still at home miserable thinking that he is feeling sorry for you. He is. He is feeling sorry that he has to tell you that it's over.

So, in the initial beginning of the relationship, both parties need to be in agreement of what they want and expect from each other.

© Copyright Monica M. Burns 2005

About The Author

Monica M. Burns is a writer, expert author, and editor of Monica M. Burns, Inc., and Invasions of The Minds websites; both of which are small web based businesses providing informational self-help products for women. She has contributed to several anthologies and other websites. If you would like to publish any of this author's articles electronically or in print to your websites, ebooks, newsletters, or ezines, you MUST include this resource box.

If you would like to find out more, you may visit my websites at www.flashbuilder.net/users/monicaburns or www.monicamburns.vstore.ca.

Back to TOC

The Pitt-Jolie-Aniston Debate - A Tale of Two Tees - Who Sides With Whom and Why
By: Ruth Brown

The debate continues over the exact nature of the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Smith stars, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and what role their "friendship" played in the collapse of Pitt's marriage to Jennifer Aniston. As women choose sides, the controversy has turned into a tale of two tees as women buy t-shirts to show their support.

T-Shirts for Team Aniston and Team Jolie

Cashing on this controversy, is Kitson, a business savvy boutique that's selling baseball T-shirts that say "Team Aniston" or "Team Jolie." The $30 trendy tees, made by White Trash Charms, were recently featured in People magazine. Women can now show the world where their loyalties lie. So far Team Aniston is in the lead.

Who Chooses Which Side And Why

Have you ever wondered who chooses which side and why? In a recent interview with Brittany Schaeffer of the New York Daily News asked my opinion about the type of women who support Angelina, those who support Jen; and why women choose the sides they do.

Read on for my assessment of the players on Team Aniston and Team Jolie:

Team Aniston

Women who support Jen by wearing the Team Aniston tees tend to be

  • Scorned wives, ex-wives, and single women who have been cheated on in the past. With an estimated 38 to 53 million female victims of infidelity, it's no surprise that Team Aniston tees are currently outselling Team Jolie tees by a margin of 20 to 1.
  • Women who feel Angelina deliberately seduced Brad away from Jen, even if she didn't actually sleep with him - yet.
  • Women who blame Angelina for the split between Brad and Jen.
  • Women who view Angelina as a predator with a hidden agenda that included seducing her co-star in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. (Angelina admits that she always falls in love with her male co-stars.)
  • Women who identify with Jen's sweet, innocent, girl-next-door image.
  • Women who believe Angelina's self-described role of being a shoulder for Brad to cry on was all a part of her scheme to snare him.
  • Women who are convinced that showing Brad what a wonderful mother she is, was part of Angelina's strategy to win Brad's heart -- especially since children are his hot button.
  • Women who feel that Jen got a raw deal in all this whole affair.

Team Jolie

Women who align themselves with Angelina by sporting the Team Jolie tee tend to be

  • Women who identify with the mistress or the "Other Woman"
  • Sexy, sultry, seductive types, or women who identify with these traits.
  • Women who subscribe to the theory of "put your man first and do whatever it takes to keep him."
  • Women who fault Jen for putting her career ahead of her husband.
  • Women who feel that since Brad felt so strongly about having children, Jen should have given him a child. Since money was not an issue, they could have easily hired a Nanny so Jen could continue to pursue her acting career.
  • Women who feel that if a woman doesn't do the things necessary to hold onto her man, then she deserves to lose him.
  • Women who feel that Angelina was not to blame for Brad and Jen's divorce.
  • Women who feel that Brad and Angelina make a better ( sexier, more interesting) couple than Bran and Jen.

Meanwhile, the tee shirts are selling like hotcakes, as women choose sides and show their support. And the controversy is boosting box office sales for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which remains among the top 5 summer movies. Team Jolie tees showed a brief surge in sales the week Mr. and Mrs. Smith was released, but Team Aniston tees still hold the lead. (They're on back order right now, so if you want one, there's currently a 2-week wait.)

Nobody Blames Brad

What's interesting to note is that hardly anyone is holding Brad responsible for his role in the situation. Most people overlook the fact that regardless of the state of Brad's marriage at the time, he made the final decision on how far to let the situation with Jolie go. Much of the blame for the split rests squarely on his shoulders. He obviously saw the situation developing, but did nothing to put a cap on it or to sever the growing friendship between himself and Angelina Jolie. Pitt continues to maintain that he and Jolie are "just friends." But new photos of them as a couple seem to pop up every week. The most recent ones appeared in People magazine. Maybe Brad needs a T-shirt that says "We're Just Friends" to help him get the message across. Meanwhile, Angelina continues to insist that she and Brad never had sex. How about a T-shirt for her that says "We're NOT having an affair."

Inappropriate Friendships Can Ruin a Marriage

Directly or indirectly, Brad's "friendship" with Angelina seems to have been a contributing factor to the collapse of his marriage to Jen. Inappropriate friendships with members of the opposite sex can undermine a marriage even if there's no sex involved. The Pitt-Jolie "friendship" is a perfect example of that. Whatever the exact nature of their relationship, it's obvious that the two are very close. Inappropriate friendships like these can lead to emotional infidelity, which can be just as destructive to a marriage as the real thing. And sexual infidelity is usually not far behind. I think what we really need is a T-shirt that warns everyone "Today's inappropriate friendship is tomorrow's extramarital affair."

About The Author

Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston is the author of Is He Cheating on You?- 829 Telltale SignsIs He Cheating on You?- 829 Telltale Signs, a comprehensive guide which documents practically every known sign of infidelity. For a free quiz and tip sheet on "inappropriate friendships" send an email to InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with "Friendship Quiz and Tip Sheet" in the subject line. Ruth's website http://www.InfidelityAdvice.com provides practical advice on all aspects of infidelity.

Back to TOC

Text Box:  Inspiration Corner

"It is far better to be alone than to wish you were"
--Ann Landers--

 

"Yes, I have cheated. It's a natural thing for people. People are animals. Our human nature is to conquer. I did it so he would find out. At the time, I felt like it was good revenge. I taught him a good lesson, but I taught myself that it wasn't worth it."
-- Pink--


What's Going On

          Come Join Me

November 30 @ 7PM
Harlem Grill


 

Healing after Cheating!!! Relationship Coaching Workshop

 

          Get more information on Upcoming Tele-Seminars

December 5   Jump-Start to a New You Tele-Seminar
January 23 My Dream, My Business
December 5   I Love My Job, But...

          Register for Upcoming Teleclasses

Nov 29, 2005 @ 1 PM

Effective Networking for Women
Nov 29, 2005 @ 4PM   How to Write a Personal Mission Statement
Dec 1, 2005 @ 12 Noon   Surviving the Holidays
Dec 1, 2005 @ 4 PM Create Action Plans for Success
Dec 6 , 2005 @ 2PM   Can I be a Momtrepreneur?
Dec 15 @ 1 PM How to Write a Personal Mission Statement

Back to TOC

Quick Links

Back to TOC

Contact information

Michele Alexander

Email: coach@4ThePerfectFit.com

Phone: (212) 987-6177

Web: http://www.4ThePerfectFit.com

Comments

I would love to hear you comments and stories. Please email me at coach@4ThePerfectFit.com.

To Subscribe to the mailing list please email Subscribe@4ThePerfectFit.com

To Unsubscribe to the mailing list please email Unsubscribe@4ThePerfectFit.com.