4theperfectfit.com Blog

I flew on the flying trapeze, Monday.  As a coach I always encourage my clients to take risk; but, I also have to ask a coach.  I have challenges, too.  Recently, I took a chance to fly on the flying trapeze.  My excuse for try to fly on the trapeze was it would be a great learning and teambuilding exercise for my clients.  Because many things we value and goals we want are not safe.  But, was this really the reason I was doing it?  Was this really true for me?  Well I found out. 

I went to the Trapeze School of NY on Pier 40; many of you have seen it on “Sex and the City.”  I learned a lot in this exercise and I’d like to share it.  The trapeze represents a risk or thrill reminds you that you are alive and living in the moment.  It also tells you that you need to listen to yourself and the people that are important to you or can help you get what you want.  You discover you have to trust yourself and support others especially when they are like minded and support you.  Finally, it the exercise yells, “Don’t hesitate!!!”  If you stutter step you might miss and opportunity.  Can you believe I learned all of this at 23 feet in the air?  Yes, I did. 

Being one the trapeze reminded me, many of us say we are going to do something; but, we never do it.  I even remembered why I was drawn to this exercise; 10 years ago I wanted to go to circus school at Club Med.  Well, I went to Club Med but I didn’t go to circus school.  The reason I remember it was I was in the Bahamas when Lady Diana died.  She was so alive for that moment.  But, then she was gone in an instant.  Is there something that you have wanted to do, as Nike says?  Just do it!!!  You will be so glad afterwards; because you will remember you are alive.  Also, the trapeze is a metaphor for the risk you need to take to achieve your goals.  I hope you try it or at least live in the moment and stop putting off your dreams. 

In my last blog, I spoke on professional value. I asked do you know your value. I also committed to discuss personal value. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I want to ask you, what are your personal values? If you have an answer, great!!! However, when I ask many women about their personal ideals, I start hearing the story of their life, losses, successes, etc., or silence. If I ask them, would they sell the handbag they are holding, I would get a quick answer “Yes” or “No.” Why is this? Is it because they know the worth of their purse? Why is it difficult to define personal ideals? Consider these questions:

• Does what you want in life defines your personal standards?
• Do the people who are closest to you define your values?
• Do the things you don’t do also describe your personal ethics, too?

The answer to the above questions? Yes.

Now, I’d like you to define your values. Remember, these are the things that are most important to you? Your values are not other’s opinions of what’s important to you. Just make a list. It may start with a lot of things at first; but, prioritize them and try to have only five. Just knowing what’s important to you will help you make better decisions. Why?

Suppose your list of priorities looks like this:

1. Family
2. Achievement
3. Professional Development
4. Ambition
5. Friends

What if today you had the opportunity to hang out late at a friend’s birthday party; but, it’s the night before you are going to a conference with a SVP in your department. What will you do? Ask yourself these questions:

Now what will you do? Does your answer change? Often decisions are emotional, not looking at what could make the situation support your priorities and choices. Always consider your priorities. If your friends are a priority you can make the situation win-win by just showing up. But even if you don’t go, are you wrong? Remember, what’s important to you is important to you. Your values are your values. My point, if you don’t value your life, choices and dreams, no one else will. Finally, values don’t have to have a dollar amount to mean something to you and others, they are priceless.

Many clients come to me, wanting to change professions. These women have or have had successful careers; but, sometimes have challenges knowing their value. In the past their value has been determined by their employers, not their necessarily their skill set. Most women underestimate their value.

What’s most interesting is that women make approximately 70% on the dollar compared to their male colleagues. So how do you know your value?

RUN!!!
Research – Your job description and check out websites, books, databases to find out what your colleagues are making in your field.

Update – Your resume, preferably functional. If you don’t what you’ve do, while this are going great, its difficult to see your value while things are challenging (A lay-off, firing, relocation for personal reasons, etc.

Network – If you are not a part of your professional community you will not know the business and salary trends of your industry (Example: IT Salaries are going down – Sometimes called a correction.

Tomorrow – Evaluate Your Personal Value

• Vault Salary Survey
  http://www.vault.com/companies/salary-survey.jsp?utm_source=Yahoo!&utm_medium=CPC
• Yahoo HotJobs Salary Tools
  http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/salary/?refsrc=ysem
• Sample Function Resume on Monster
  http://content.monster.com/articles/3476/17228/1/home.aspx
• Functional Resumes a Great Tool for Midlife Career Change – Metamorphosis Blog Article
  http://4theperfectfit.com/blog/2006/10/30/functional-resumes-a-great-tool-for-midlife-career-change/
• Metamorphosis Blog Articles on Networking
  http://4theperfectfit.com/blog/category/networking/
• Unmarried Woman Sound Alarm on Pay Inequity
  Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research Report for Women Voices. Women Vote.
  http://www.wvwv.org/docs/payequity6.1.pdf

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

~~Pablo Picasso~~

I love this quote. It speaks to the procrastinators in all of us. However, for women, it speaks to the need to please everyone but ourselves. Why? When was the last time you took a minute for yourself? I know that you have to work, take care of children, boyfriends, husbands, mothers, etc. But when you look at the list of things you have done so far today, what have you done for you? … to take care of yourself?

Did you take a long pause after reading that? Did everything come to mind; but, something you wanted or needed to do? Women are nurturers and that what makes women wonderful caregivers, managers and advisors; but, nurturing self is very important, too. It will relieve stress, allow you to take that mental break that will recharge your brain, and overall improve your health. Why? If you don’t take care of you, who will? So what have you been putting off doing?

• Getting your nails done
• Going to the gym
• Picking up that book you’ve been wanting to read
• Make an appointment with your physician, dentist, therapist, etc.
• Register for a class, seminar, or workshop you’ve wanted to take.
• Going to be on time.

This list can go on an on. Why? These things just help you in your quest to reaching your goals.

As a coach I often remind my clients whether they are in a job search or career change, in the midst of a personal crisis or just wanting to drop a few pounds. They have to remember their lifestyle and that not being present and enjoying your life can affect your health, success and well being. It can also affect you achieving your goals. Yes, you may have to do things for other people, employers, children, family, etc; but, you are your priority. Stop living for tomorrow and be present and live for today. Especially, if it means, you are taking care of you.

As a coach most of my day is spent, helping individuals get out of their comfort zone, so they can achieve the goals, success and life they desire. Often I find, the barriers are not created by finances, education, opportunity, etc. but the person. So, how do we stop this behavior? Easy!!!

1. Acknowledge the goal you want to achieve. Many times, women want someone to tell them what their goal is or what they should do and are often frustrated when they aren’t fulfilled. The best person to tell you what you want to d, is you!!!
2. Now tell someone or write in your journal, your goal. It keeps you accountable.
3. Decide that is OK to fail, as long as you try.
4. Don’t make up a story about what will happen, be present, and develop a strategy to accomplish your dream.
5. Try!!! You have to try, to fail or succeed.

Remember the journey can be as great as achieving your goal, regardless of the result.

Email me, coach@4ThePerfectFit.com , your stories of your journeys and successes.

“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”      
~~ George Washington Carver

But wait, is that statement true?  To some, excuses are validations that make an individual who is being or has become undependable to themselves and others, OK. Why?   Excuses can make an individuals feel justified about their ability to not be accountable.  Right?  Yes and no.  Do you agree? 

But wait, excuses can also be helpful to your self esteem and mental health, states a study from at the University of Florida.  At the same time excuses can allow you to be dismissive of your short coming in life or performance of simple task. 

So the question is, are excuses good or bad?  Well, consider this, we need to understand is our values, choices, decisions and the consequences of the excuses we make; because that helps us be more accountable and balanced.  Excuses have validity when they involve facts.  It’s important not to use excuses to justify our behavior on a consistent basis.  It’s important to use them to forgive yourself of the roadblocks we create that keep us from moving forward and reaching our goals; whether they are create by ourselves or others.  This does not mean others need to accept or forgive our excuses.  We must understand that there are consequences to making excuses.  So in the end, we have to realize excuses are all about the person who makes them not necessarily the person who they are directed to.  Also, remember everyone doesn’t have to accept your excuses or forgive you.