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Why am I alone? Oops, wrong question

This is the big question many women ask. It’s time to think about are women asking themselves the right question and what are the answers to it.

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Women in South Florida’s Chapter of Single Mother’s by Choice discuss the joys and challenges of deciding to have children without partners.

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I always want my clients to explore the possibilities. Often I hear; how can I? Well you can and Vocation Vacation is giving NY’ers a chance to experience Vocation Vacations for free. They are having a contest, launching a national Vocationing Club and New York City is where they will be kicking things off.
 

They will provide the five NYC-area Vocation Vacations listed below to five, to 5 lucky New York-area individuals as a gift for being part of their inaugural Vocationing Club. I really want to encourage all to enter this contest by writing a 250 word essay sent in the email text or in a separate, attached word document with a note that states which of the five Vocation Vacations you are most interested in and why. You must also include:

  • Your name
  • Address
  • Email
  • phone numbers
  • and a brief title and/or description of what you currently do for a living today.

To vocationingclub@vocationvacations.com. Submissions will be accepted through December 31, 2007 and and/or forward this blog to friends. You must fit a certain criteria to qualify and be selected to become an inaugural member of Vocation Vacation. Please click here to find out what they are and find out what you will also receive if you are selected.
The five free Vocation Vacations available are:

Vocationing Club inaugural members, will meet for breakfast once a week for eight weeks, starting Tuesday, January 21st in a midtown diner at 7 AM and team-up with four other Vocationing Club members and together, you will experience the eight steps of the Vocationing process as laid out in Brian Kurth’s new book, TEST-DRIVE YOUR DREAM JOB (Hachette Group USA, January 2008.

Vocation Vacation is offering a wonderful opportunity for all individuals in NYC to discover a new vocation in a safe supportive environment. To find out more information on the contest and how to enter click here.

I met a young man, who I felt was a farmer, who harvested success, yesterday in New York City on the Upper Eastside.  Why was that important, because, he was an entrepreneur growing winner who achieve.  He is a mentor and runs a program for young people that had a lot of constraints; but, he found a way to mentor young people in spite of the obstacles.  His friends stand in line to help him. Why because he is a problem solver, mentor and a superstar and he doesn’t let obstacle keep him from being a success. 

Why do I write about this?  Many of us can learn from this young person.  Obstacles are created in your head.  Yes, he is young and he can fail and he has a huge future ahead of him; but, he doesn’t dwell on what he can’t do, he only focuses on what he can.  Because of this obstacles disappear and doors fly open.  

The lesson I’d like my clients to learn is the next time you focus on what’s going wrong, ask yourself what:

  • You want to do?
  • Is working?
  • You can do?
  • You need to do?

I’m not saying don’t focus on any problems; but, remember the Serenity prayer 

Serenity

GOD, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen                   
By Reinhold Neibuhr

This prayer will remind you to embrace the things that you can change, not to focus on the things you can’t alter, at least not right now and focus on the positive. You will be happier; less stressed and have more success in the end

It’s starting to get to that time of year where I recommend to all of my clients to get reconnect. This is especially important, when we are working on goals. I recommend reaching out to individuals who can support you in your journey and also it is important for your mental health. But before you do this via email, review your email and where it comes from.

Often I notice that many of my clients use their current work email as their contact email. Why is this a problem? When connecting with personal friends, topics may come up that you may not want your employer to know about. Remember that all email correspondence is technically property of your employer. The other issue I’ve noticed, cutesy emails. What’s cutesy: sexybabydoll, momat21, hotlover, etc. Why is this a problem? Would you want a prospective employer to see you as a hotlover? Would you feel comfortable having an email being referred to a decision maker from hotlover?So, take the time out, to get an email that is professional. Use your initials, birthday, etc. It’s not only about connecting; but it’s also about, being taken seriously.

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It’s Never to Late … Ask Sabra

The reality dance contest “So You Think You Can Dance, Season 3” crowned a new winner on Thursday night, Sabra Johnson.  She’s a 20 year old dancer from Utah.  So what does that have to do with women in life transition?  Quite a bit, Sabra didn’t start dancing until 4 years ago.  She discovered her passion later in life when most people would have said hang it up. It’s too late to consider this a career choice.  Occasionally men come to the world of dance late; but, it is very challenging for women.  However, she persevered and now she has won the competition against much more seasoned dancers.  Why?  She tried.  She chose to develop her passion, focused on her strengths and learned from her weakness and understood that there may be sacrifices.  She was also open to the feedback when it was given and now she on top of the world. 

Granted this is a lot like a Cinderella story; but, what she did was go after her dream when most would feel it’s too late to try.  Why?  It was important to her. 
So what should you learn from Sabra?  Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer and judge of SYTYCD, said it best “Sabra…you dance with your heart…”  To me that means, if you discover a talent that is your passion go after it.  You may just discover the seeds that you planted late in the season bloom and bear fruit.

What passion have you been afraid to pursue?  It may not be too late to try.

Congratulations Sabra!!!

I was reading a blog today about the “The Laws of Attraction and a Clean, Clutter Free Home” by Lisa Q.  It stated “… ones home is also responsible for manifesting one’s dreams.”  But I want to take it a step further, your mind can make your goals happen or stop them like a brick wall, too. 

Most coaching takes place over the phone. I seldom know the clutter my clients have in their homes or offices; but, I do hear the clutter in their minds.  Since most of my clients are women the minds are littered with broken relationships, empty arms longing for infants and the career of a lifetime lost because of a lack of confidence.
Is the clutter a symptom of physical clutter or is it vice versa?  It’s not clear.  But, what is clear is that clutter, must be eliminated, to make space for the positive energy needed to achieve the dreams you long for. 

Don’t let old baggage hold you back; i.e., the memories that the clutter and build a physical obstacle from your dreams so it near impossible to realizing them.  Throw it out, the clutter, not just symbolically; but, physically.  Clean out that inbox, donate or sell clothes in your closet that you never wear or accept that the man you’ve been dating for 5 years doesn’t want to get married and make room for your dreams. 

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Set Your Secrets Free – Acknowledge Them

Secrets can be dreams, vices, issues or challenges you feel may create judgment from others if you expose them.  However, the judgment normally is internal.  Secrets can create baggage, personal roadblocks and obstacles that keep you from realizing your potential and dreams.  

That’s why when I discovered this great blog today, I wanted to share it.  It’s called PostSecret and it might help you find a great way to use an artist date or release negativity you have for others or self.  PostSecret, is a wonderful blog that lets you post secrets anonymously.  This allows you to at least tell someone your secret no matter how personal or hidden it is.  You can do it creatively through art or words.   Journals also do this; but, sometimes it’s more freeing to tell others.
There are a couple of other sites on the web that also have this component:

Confession Heals
Secret Chest

But, the biggest thing to remember if you can’t tell anyone your secret, a friend, therapist, coach, mentor, pastor, rabbi, priest, etc., these are places to put your secret out there, so you can forgive, heal and/or move forward.  Why is it important?  Baggage, creates stress, affects your self esteem, and keeps you from reaching your goals.   

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Put Down the Technology!!!

Often, I have clients how are addicted to their Blackberries, phones, Bluetooth’s, Sidekicks, etc.  However, they wonder why they are not making the genuine connections with clients, friends, families and potential partners that they’d like.  Well the reason…technology. PUT IT DOWN!!! How can you be intimate with anyone, when the only thing you’re really focused on, is the person you are texting or talking to on your Bluetooth.  Tell them you will call or text them back later, be present and enjoy the person you are with. 

Because of this, I had to duplicate the email I received yesterday, “Ten Blackberry Commandments ” by Joey Reiman of The Brighthouse Consultancy, from Pink Magazine, for you to think about.
 

Ten Blackberry Commandments
By Joey Reiman
 

  1. Thou shalt not take the BlackBerry to any table with food on it or family around it. A BlackBerry is not a fruit, nor does it come from a tree.
  2. Thou shalt not use the BlackBerry as reading material in the event of insomnia. It will only worsen your situation.
  3. Thou shalt not BlackBerry in lieu of responding to a child’s request (e.g., “Wait a second, I’m reading something.”).
  4. Thou shalt not place the BlackBerry within distance of hearing its incessant beeps while at home. It is not a bird.
  5. Thou shalt not check BlackBerry as if it were your baby. It will not cry or stop breathing.
  6. Thou shalt not confuse number of e-mails with self-worth.
  7. Thou shalt do everything possible to misplace your BlackBerry on weekends. “There’s No Place Like Home” will never be the tagline for the BlackBerry company.
  8. Thou shalt remember that a BlackBerry is not a body appendage. It is a device that belongs in your briefcase, on your desk and not in social settings.
  9. Thou shalt refrain from bringing the BlackBerry to events involving family interaction. Extraneous dialogue with this contraption in lieu of real conversation suggests addiction.
  10. Thou shalt never, ever, ever bring the BlackBerry to bed. Do this and you are BlackBuried!

Joey Reiman is CEO and founder of The BrightHouse Consultancy. thinkbrighthouse.com

Have a great Weekend!!!

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Listen to Your Cheerleader Voice

When was the last time you listened to your inner voice?  On that occasion, was it telling you to not do something or putting you down?  Have you noticed when you listen to that voice, your self esteem takes a hit, have regrets, and may even feel depressed?  That voice can be a saboteur.  Well, that’s not the voice I’m talking about. 

I’m taking about the cheerleader voice.  The one that reminds you of your dreams, supports you and tells you that you are a winner.  But for many that voice is the quietest and hardest voice to listen too.  I call that voice, your inner cheerleader voice. The reason, that voice can be drowned out by all of the negative thoughts you have.  But, if you stop and focus on that voice that’s cheering you on, and not the neigh Sayers you can do anything.  So how do you start listening to this voice? 

Stop >  Focus > Trust Yourself > Persevere or as Nike says, “Just Do it!”

Meditation
Journaling
Dating Yourself –That means doing one thing selfishly that’s important to you, a manicure, a trip to the museum or an adventure.  (This is call taking care of you; also known as the artist date.)

Even if you fail you will have no regrets, because you tried.  Listen you your Cheerleader voice, it will be worth it.

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