4theperfectfit.com Blog

The reality dance contest “So You Think You Can Dance, Season 3” crowned a new winner on Thursday night, Sabra Johnson.  She’s a 20 year old dancer from Utah.  So what does that have to do with women in life transition?  Quite a bit, Sabra didn’t start dancing until 4 years ago.  She discovered her passion later in life when most people would have said hang it up. It’s too late to consider this a career choice.  Occasionally men come to the world of dance late; but, it is very challenging for women.  However, she persevered and now she has won the competition against much more seasoned dancers.  Why?  She tried.  She chose to develop her passion, focused on her strengths and learned from her weakness and understood that there may be sacrifices.  She was also open to the feedback when it was given and now she on top of the world. 

Granted this is a lot like a Cinderella story; but, what she did was go after her dream when most would feel it’s too late to try.  Why?  It was important to her. 
So what should you learn from Sabra?  Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer and judge of SYTYCD, said it best “Sabra…you dance with your heart…”  To me that means, if you discover a talent that is your passion go after it.  You may just discover the seeds that you planted late in the season bloom and bear fruit.

What passion have you been afraid to pursue?  It may not be too late to try.

Congratulations Sabra!!!

Too many times, I have clients who are afraid of owning their lives and dreams.  This is because they project the outcome of attempting a goal in every aspect of their lives.  Why? They go back to the past and know the outcome of the situation. But, is this true?  Are they learning from the past or are they using it as and obstacle to keep from experiencing, growing and moving forward.  When I see this happening, I suggest “Being Present.”  Many times I get a, “What???”  I’m not saying it isn’t hard; but, being present can create so much more positive energy.

Consider these 4 things on, “Being Present.”  It could help you move forward.

1. Stop projecting.  It only holds you back and keeps you from moving forward.  If you don’t try something, what happens?  Nothing!!!  An example, being negative may be factual; but, is it constructive? Can you change it?  If you say negatives you will attract the negative and if you aren’t present experiencing your life, you create a truth without the action taking place and the fiction you are thinking becomes fact. 
2. Listen, participating in a conversation is not always about talking it can be about paying attention, too.  The appropriate response or reaction can be everything.
3. Try.  Look for a new job.  Go out on a date.  Try a new hobby, etc. Sometimes it’s not even about taking the risk; it’s about just doing one thing to move in the direction of accomplishing what you want.
4. Be open.  The unexpected may happen.  It could change your perspective on something or someone. 

If you don’t do this yet, don’t worry.  Just be present now, acknowledge what you do and how you want to change and move forward.  What happened?  Did you change?  Your Energy?  Etc.

Check out theses great tips and thoughts on “Being Present:”

• Practical Tips on Being Present (Blog posting from Zen Habits)
• Being Present (Blog posting, Jordan Donald’s Weblog)
• Being Present (Blog posting from Just Another Blog)
• Being Present (Article for Body Talk)

I saw the infamous video of Beyonce’s Fall and I have a brief comment. As a coach I feel that we can learn from this event.  We all have made mistakes; but, the outcome of those blunders depends on how we handle them.  We can quit and slink away; but, what will be the result? 

A few people will feel sorry for you; however, if you persevere most will rally behind you. 

When I coach clients, I often remind them that in most cases no one notices the mistakes unless you point them out or continually and /or apologize for them; but, do nothing about your error.  However, it is important that you own them, learn and try to recover as quickly as possible because,

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving.
 They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”

  ~~Conrad Hilton~~Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.
Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.

Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.

We’ve all heard, work hard play hard.  But, do we really believe this?  I always ask my clients in the middle of working towards a goal, “What are you doing for fun or to reward yourself for the work you are doing?”  Why? Many individuals burn out, if all they are doing is working.  Even, if they are doing or working towards something they desire. 

Because of this, I always remind my clients to take a break and/or reward themselves. The first time I do this, I get all kinds of arguments; mainly, time, money, or both. When I saw, Suzanne McLoone’s blog, post “Can You Afford Not To.” It spoke volumes and I totally agree with it.  She states, “You are the boss” of you, and if you don’t reward yourself, who will.  I whole heartedly agree.  

That’s why I suggest, when you have goals that can’t be accomplished in one sitting, set mini-goals or benchmarks all along the way.  This will allow you to check-in, refocus and reward yourself for the work you have done.  Also, don’t forget to follow through on your rewards; because, you might stop trusting the most important person in you life, “You.” Finally, make sure your reward is inspiring and enjoyable to you.  “bootstrapbusiness.org” has a wonderful blog posting on “Rewarding Yourself” which discusses this further. 
I’ve come up with a list of things that you can do, all for $20 and under.  Now you have no more excuses.  You are the boss of you and I’m reminding you to reward yourself.  Here are ten (10) suggestions.

1. Pamper yourself, buy a new lipstick, or get a Manicure the hand massage will be work it.
2. Go to the movies, the tickets aren’t $20 yet.
3. Take a night out.  Go see an off-off Broadway play or one at your local community theatre.  Make arrangement to see a local concert in the park. You can’t beat and entertaining evening out.
4. Go to a museum or gallery exhibit you’ve been meaning to see. 
5. Buy yourself a Flower’s.  Often you can get a nice arrangements of in season flowers at your local florist for $20
6. Buy yourself a $20 gift card.  Put it in your wallet and use it when you want to treat yourself. 
7. Change Your Space.  Buy a gallon of paint and paint your bedroom or office.  Rearrange your furniture.  It’s a great pick me up.
8. Go a Do It Yourself Craft Store.  Make a necklace, stuffed animal or paint a new coffee mug for $20 or under.
9. Send an email, text or even make a phone call to a friend, if possible someone you haven’t connected with lately. Invite them out for a cup of coffee.
10. Buy a local tour book, go online to your local chamber of commerce or look at what’s happening calendar in your local paper.  Take a walking tour of your city and go sightseeing.  Don’t forget your camera.  It’s vacation in your own backyard.

These are just a few suggestions.  Get creative.  I’d love to hear what you do, to reward yourself.

As a coach, being present and being honest with yourself about you goals and dreams is important to being prosperous both personally and professionally.  I was reminded of this while reading the articles in eweek, “Works Rarely Jump Ship Over Pay Alone” and”IT Execs Bail Early.”  It was interesting to see companies thought employees left because of money; the truth was personal growth, values and culture. 

I know this it IT but this is important regardless of the opportunity you are working in or the passion you have. It’s also important to note this, whether you are looking at a life and career change.  Also, it doesn’t matter if it is in traditional or non traditional work environment; but, take a look at these articles and learn from them.  Why?  Because you need to be truthful with yourself, why don’t you like your current career or position? 

Really look at your values and prioritize what’s important to you.  Understand that you do have a mission and a vision of the life you want.  There are goals that you have that will help you achieve the life you desire.  But if you are not honest and make it about money and not about the things that are important to you in a few months you may find yourself frustrated in your life or career. 

Whose fault is it that you didn’t learn from you last experience?  Why are you so unhappy with the situation you are in?  Why does every opportunity look the same?  Ask yourself these questions. It’s time to listen to yourself and own your dreams. 

Priorities are the hardest things for all to do.  But, what I’ve noticed with my experience with women priorities are very challenging.  That is because most women that I work with appropriate other people’s agendas.  Their jobs, their partner’s, their families, children, etc., and this allows them to decide what’s important to them.  But, is it?  No. 

The other thing I’ve notices is woman ignore their own priorities.  It’s easier to make excuses than to fail at trying to achieve your goals. 

Remember, priorities should be your own this increases your success in your goals.  I’ve always noticed that when my clients know and are honest about their priorities, decisions are much more focused and clear.  They understand the consequences of any choice they make and are able to manage them?

How do you prioritize your agenda?  Write down your goals.  Be honest with yourself about what is really important.  Then consider the consequences, both good and bad’ and deal with them accordingly.  This will help you manage your time more effectively.  It’s also about getting rid of resentment when you have to put something else ahead of your priority because now you understand why.  This also will help you get rid of goals that are really busy work.  Believe it or not many goals are not yours but something someone suggested you should do or try and you don’t want to so its OK if you fail at them.  But remember prioritizing goals makes sure your aspirations are important; this allows you to focus on what’s significant to you.  Now you can’t blame anyone if they don’t happen.  But, you will be so proud of yourself when you try and accomplish you desires.

Other Links that will help you in this process:

• To 10 Keys to Improving Your Efficiency 
• Get Your Goals – Guaranteed – Chris Widener 
• How to Pare Your To-do List Down to the Essentials

No obstacles, now its time to take the risk.  Why is it so hard?  Grigor Ćorić, of “Behind the Glasses” states we are not all born risk takers.  That some types of personalities are more inclined to take risk.  However, when you are trying to reach a goal, it is something you desire or an unknown talent that you want to embrace and flourish.  Is it really a risk? 

Why is it so hard for us to go after our dreams; fear, lack of support, and no confidence in succeeding?  How do you change this?  Acknowledge your goals.  Write them down.  Keep them simple or if you have a big goal.  Break it down into steps.  Goals should always be clear and succinct.  .

Now make your goal measurable. Make sure your goal no longer than 90 days for the sake of this lesson.  I want you to succeed.

I always ask my clients to think of 10 goals in 90 days.  Can you believe they get stuck?  Why?  They are so focused on the long ranged goals which can be overwhelming that they don’t look at the immediate things they can and need to accomplish.  Breaking things down could help you; get to where they need to go. Don’t make a layered goal.  That’s a goal that depends on to many things to accomplish and would really be a long-term or complex goal. 

Now start doing.  I know it takes an element of risk on your part.  I always ask my clients, is not the risk worth the reward?   Seth Godin, discusses in his blog, “Taking a Risk” is that risk taking is interesting.  Though, he’s referring to business, the same concept occurs in real life.  Look at how we route for the underdog when they are trying to succeed. We all love Cinderella Stories and have our favorite version. Why? Its about trying and overcoming adversity. 

Now that you have starting working on your goal, people will embrace you for being proactive and want to be a part of your success.  They become the beginning of your support network.  Also, you may fail; but, this could be a part of the learning process.  But that doesn’t mean stop. 

Finally, while reading the “Looking for the Truth,” blog, that discusses life lessons in Christianity, that talents have to be nurtured.  I found it interesting that it talks about how people will give you clues and encouragement about your talents; but, you have to use them.  Then they will mature and flourish.  The same is true with our goals.  As you work towards them, they become easier to achieve.  You become stronger, more confident, but, it’s OK to still be afraid. That makes the goal worth the challenge.

What have we learned? Goal(s) + Fear + Risk + Work + Support = Success.  Are you ready to succeed? 

Recently, I’ve been writing about how Mental Clutter and Negativity can create baggage. But, physical clutter can, too.  I read this great article   “Declutter Your Mind and Think Clearly” in Real Simple; which also speaks to this, too.

So, it’s time to clean your house, office, car etc. today. Yes, I said today.  The reason, even if your house, office, car, etc. are clean, objects, and papers you have in them, may represent negativity that can create baggage; i.e., physical clutter can create mental barriers.  A gift from a friend or boyfriend that betrayed you, a dress that’s a size 4 when you’re currently a size 14 or vice versa, can remind you of who you were and not help you embrace the positive things that are currently in your life.

Therefore, sometimes it’s just junk, sometimes clutter is meaningful. To move forward you must live in the present.  That doesn’t mean you cannot have memories; but, a few items, not everything.  It’s time to get rid of the depressing objects, especially if they are holding you back.  

How do you do it?

Make a list of 50 things you need to throw out.  If you don’t know where to start here are a couple of tips.

• A good rule for clothing and other items, if you have not worn or used it in a year throw it out or donate it. 
• If it’s broken or stained, repair it or get rid of it.  That includes computers or old phones.

Now try making your list of 50 things again.  Remember if you can’t bear to throw away, you can donate things, Freecycle or eBay them, if you feel they would have use to someone else.  Check out the 43 Folders Blog, ”Voxpop:  Converting Clutter From Trash to Cash.”  It’s a Win-Win.  Don’t forget to check off objects as you get rid of them.
I’m going to make one special request; you must throw it out in 6 days.  Then on the seventh day, ask yourself, “How does it feel?”  You should feel lighter.  If not, do it again.  Don’t keep things that keep you from attracting positive energy in your life.  It’s all about being present and working toward a bountiful future and not living in the past.

I know many of you have heard of the Butterfly Effect.  Most of the time the butterfly effect signals doom and gloom; in real life, it can change your life and outlook on it.  How?  Because all you have to do in make one small change, as Tony Robbins suggest.  That starts the Butterfly Effect. 

Have you ever noticed when you try to change something; by use of deprivation or the all or nothing philosophy to complete a task, it creates burn out? 

Make a list of the times you have done this in you life?  Losing weight, Exercising, Studying, Completing a project, etc.  Did you accomplish your goal? …Part of your Goal?  …None of your goal?  Why?  It’s OK.  This help you lean from your mistakes.

Now look at the times in you life you’ve just change one thing.  Went back to school part time?  Added an extra 10 or 25 dollars to your credit card payment?  Stopped drinking soda, alcohol, etc. and started drinking more water?  What happened?  Did you reach you goal or were you able to change your behavior?  The point, if you have a goal, just change one behavior or action that will move you toward reaching your goal.  See what happens?

Now look at you goal? 

Decide what action you can do today to reach your goal.  Make sure its something you can do consistently and easily.  The American Academy of Family Physicians states it will take 21 days to make new behavior a habit. Flylady uses this methodology to help you conquer clutter.  Ehow discusses using the 21 day approach to develop a new personal practice.

Look back on your goal?  How close are you to achieving it?  What are the by products of taking a small step toward change?  Manageable actions! Life Change!! Success!!!

I often have clients who feel they are very positive about themselves, their goals, and dreams. But in our initial conversation I often here them saying 5 or 6 negative things about themselves and why they are pursuing their goals. After I hear this, I often bring it to their attention and say, this must stop immediately, because, their words are powerful.

A person’s own words can create the biggest obstacle to achieving their dreams. That’s why the next thing I do; when I hear this is ask the women, have they ever read “The Secret.” Often, just the mention of the book, stops them in there tracks. Normally the conversation changes and start discussing to “The Law of Attraction.”

Most of the women say, I’m not like this all of the time; but, I wanted to give you a clear picture of what’s going on. So I suggest an exercise to see how much negativity a women may have to help them experience the baggage it creates. Try it, you might be surprised. It could be your own negativity and that’s holding you back. Here it is:

1. Get a jar with a lid, small piggy bank the kid that you may get free from your bank, etc and put it on your desk or in a work area. Please not it’s important that this is portable.
2. Go to your back or supermarket and get 2 rolls of quarters.
3. Now place the bank or vessel in a place you can’t miss it during your day.
4. When and if you have a negative thought or say something negative about yourself put 4 quarters in the bank. (If you can’t carry the bank with you, carry a tally sheet and put the quarters in the bank at night.) Do this exercise for 3 days. If you run out of quarters the first day don’t worry, it happens often. But, think about how long it took you to use $20 worth of quarters.Now put the bank in your bag or backpack and walk around with it for a day. What are your observations? Is it bulky? Is it hard to camouflage in your bag, or backpack? If it is, do people ask you, why are your carrying the quarters? What’s your answer? Finally, and most important, is it heavy?

Now that you’ve finished the first part of the exercise, go to a bank and cash in our quarters. Take the money and donate it, get your nails done, or go to the movies. It doesn’t matter what you do with it as long as it makes you feel good getting rid of it.

How does it feel turning that negative energy into something positive? If you try this exercise I would love to hear your discoveries.  

Do this exercise for 3 days. If you run out of quarters the first day don’t worry, it happens often. But, think about how long it took you to use $20 worth of quarters. How does it feel turning that negative energy into something positive? If you try this exercise I would love to hear your discoveries.