Archive for the 'General' Category

Administrator
May 22nd, 2007

Death … Grief… and New Beginnings

This is a blog I’ve been thinking about for sometime.  Death is so final.  It’s frightening, sad and bleak.  But, that is not true.  A loss can be a start.  It’s the grief and mourning of memories both, unresolved and cherished, of a precious object, being, or person that makes death so difficult.  It is the idealize part of what was that makes that person, thing, etc., so important. We want to remember how it was.  The beauty, the joy and the feelings; however, death, endings and loss are a part of life.  I’m not saying not to grieve or rush through grief; but, you have to eventually, acknowledge that it has happened and want to move forward to see what is to come.  Why? Because, all are a part of life.  Still, it gets more challenging as you get older.  The more you rationalize and feel you understand ending and what they mean, the harder it is, to move forward and let go. 

But you are not alone.  What was your last loss? 

  • Was it a Job?
  • Relationship?
  • Death of a loved one?
  • Having to relocate and move, even if it was something you wanted to do because of job, school, marriage or caring for a loved one?
  • The disappearance, destruction, or even selling of a precious item or items.
  • The loss of you the life you had before an illness, birth or adoption of a child, or allowing someone you care about in your life.

If your loss is not mentioned, you fill in the blank.  Sometimes people carry baggage:

  • they hold on to clutter
  • stop trusting
  • loving
  • are fearful of taking another chance. 

These are symptoms or grief, denial, and fear of the acceptance that something or someone is gone.  But once you have accepted your loss there are so many opportunities to be had.  You will be starting a new adventure.  If you can accept your loss, you can look at life through new eyes.  The possibilities are endless. 

Cherish and celebrate your memories, especially the good things.  Don’t let them hold you back. 

This blog is dedicated to my father Dr. T. L. Alexander, Jr., who left us February 14, 2007, from symptoms related to Alzheimer’s.  He will never be forgotten and his legacy of working hard, loving well, saying and acting on his principles and living life to the fullest will always be celebrated.

Administrator
Jan 29th, 2007

Single? Baby? Relationship? Choice.

Are you single?  Looking for a relationship?  Hoping to finally have a baby?  You have a choice. 

This is an issue many single women have wrestled with for years.  However, it becomes more pressing as many move into their mid thirties.  But, why are they wrestling?  You do have a choice. 

Ask yourself, do I really want to have a child?  That is the first question I ask women to answer.  It’s O.K. if you don’t want to be a parent.  But, if you do; ask yourself these questions.

1.       Why are you waiting? 

2.       Is it because your partner is not ready?

3.       Are you still looking for a partner, to parent with? 

4.       Are you ready to become a parent; 
           (but, don’t know where to start?)

5.       Are your finances unstable? 

6.       Are you overcommitted already and can’t find time for a child? 

7.       Are you afraid going at it alone? 

8.       Are you afraid that your lifestyle may change? 

9.       Are you confused at the choices to have to become a parent?

10.     Do you feel you have time?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it might be time to get more information.  Why?  Because fertility peaks at 27; however, declines more severely after 40.  Yes, technology has made it easier to have a baby; but, find out where you are reproductively.  You can do this by asking your doctor for a blood test. 

As a coach, many of my clients have on their top 10 goals; get married have a baby as goals.  These are great.  Still, many are not educated to their timeline, when it comes to the latter, their fertility.  That is the reason this is a blog.  We all have choices.   As women, we must research and get information on this goal, as we would when trying to achieve any goal?  Why?  So we can have realistic expectations about our choices and the consequences are the ones that we can live with.

Informational links:

http://www.theafa.org

http://www.choosingsinglemotherhood.com/

http://mattes.home.pipeline.com/

Articles on Single Motherhood

http://www.tcdailyplanet.net/node/1707

http://singlemothers.org/SMO/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=38

http://momstoday.com/resources/articles/singlemom.htm

http://www.searchmothers.com/mothers/single_mothers.php

Books

http://www.amazon.com/Single-Mothers-Choice-Considering-Motherhood/dp/0812922468

News Video

Choice Moms

http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=efbb983e-56c6-4b95-b752-5c549612dc42&f=00&fg=copy

Administrator
Jan 9th, 2007

Take a Vacation and Discover a New Career

One of most requested goals I’m asked to work on with my clients on is Career Change.  It seems to be crucial to find a gratifying career to help an individual feel fulfilled in their life.  However, it’s very challenging for most, to dream of what they want to be, when you are a “grown up,” now that you are, a “grown up.”   Does this sound familiar?

I always ask my clients, what they would be doing as a career, if money, age, skills set, location, etc. were not an obstacle.  Most are frozen, when I ask that question.  Why?  Fear? Lack of Imagination?  There is no clear cut answer; but, most want me to tell them what they should do.  I can’t; because the answer has to come from them.  Yes, I can give assessments and other test, to help clients discover their aptitude, passion, core values and current skill set.  However, there is one more thing that might help, “Vocation Vacation.” 

Why am I suggesting this?  As a Life Coach, I’m always asking my clients to research opportunities through, informational interviews, networking, etc.  Now “Vocation Vacations” offers another to explore careers that you have an interest in; but are not sure, if it’s something you should go after.  “Vocation Vacations” allows you to shadow a person who has your “Dream Job” and you can see first hand what its like to have your “Dream opportunity.”  Remember it’s not just about making money; but, finding the rewarding career that fits you and makes you feel happy. 

Related Links

Administrator
Dec 30th, 2006

Get Unstuck; Take a Risk and Move Forward

Have you reached out, connected or reconnected?  If not, don’t make excuses, take a risk and just it do. 

Many women get caught up in why they can’t do something and want to explain it.  Women do this, not for validation by only others; but for self justification, too.  Do you ever do this?  Well, if you do, consider after self acknowledgement, doing something about it.  What does this mean?  Get unstuck, take action, and move forward.  So you didn’t send out Christmas or Holiday greetings.  Send out New Year’s greetings, via snail mail, email or just pick up the phone and call someone you want to connect or reconnect with.  Why?  You might get a surprise.  Make a new friend or renew an old relationship.  Get a supporter or an ally.  It will be worth it.

 

Happy Holidays!!!

Administrator
Nov 25th, 2006

Create and Maintain an Effective List

When I’m helping clients to reconnect, initially I assumed that making the pitch is the challenge and measuring expectations is difficult. But, for many, making and maintaining a list of people to connect and reconnect with is the test.

Many of us go through our rolodexes, phones and address books to find that we haven’t communicated with someone in so long none of the information is incorrect or we forgot how we knew them. So the first step I suggest is to make a spread sheet. It’s an easy place to capture basic information: 

  • Name
  • Title
  • Company
  • Address
  • Phone
  • Cell phone number, etc.

Also, a spreadsheet is a great place to capture comments or notes. It’s easy to upload the information from a simple spreadsheet to various email and communication management platforms. However, if you prefer the tried and true paper methods, don’t forget to make notes on the back of business cards, in address books, etc., and take the time to write details.

Do you have 200-300 people in you contact database? If not, don’t forget to check my next blog. I’ll give you tips on building your list.

Administrator
Nov 17th, 2006

Six Reasons to Make Realistic Expectations

Here are six reasons to set realistic expectations.

  1. Buy in from friends, family, superiors or colleagues is easier.  That means you get the support you need.
  2. You can discover challenges more easily and problem solve them more effectively.
  3. Stress and anxiety is reduced.
  4. Your personal outlook for achieving your project or goal is positive.  This gives you a better result.
  5. Creates life balance.
  6. You increase the odds of success.

Is there anything stopping you from making your expectations more realistic?

Links on This Subject

 

Administrator
Nov 11th, 2006

Connect in 225 Words

It takes 225 words to connect, make friends and the get the support you desire.  These words are the 60 to 90 seconds that will communicate the highlights of your life, along with your aspirations.  It’s your elevator speech to success.  How do you structure it?  Write approximately:

  1. 8 to 10 sentences or 50 to 60 seconds of what you’ve been doing
  2. 2 sentences or 10 seconds of what you’re doing now and
  3. 3 to 5 sentences or 20 to 30 seconds of what you want, hope to do, or dream. 

The sentence suggestions are a guide; since, the average length of a conversational sentence is 15 words. 

Now, own it.  These words represent the most important highlights of your life along with the goals you desire.  This sound bite is valuable; impressions are made quickly. 

When sending emails, remember warm yet cryptic statements are better than journal entries; you’re trying to make an impression.  This also holds true when you’re meeting someone for the first time, socially or professionally.  Don’t bore them to death; you might not get a second chance.  Finally, pay attention.  It’s easy to miss read or hear what someone is saying; if you’re fixated on a certain outcome.  Respond appropriately to their thoughts.

Now get started; you can say a lot in 225 words. 

(This blog’s word count is 228 words.)

Links about Elevator Speeches

Administrator
Nov 4th, 2006

Voting Is a Way to Reclaim Your Voice and Become Part of a Community

This morning, I was reading an editorial from “The Seattle Times,” suggesting, this year, single women are the “must get” voters.  Yeah!!! That’s great. It’s finally been acknowledge, in the print and television Medias that unmarried women are an important group to consider in elections.  Why?  They are a diverse group of approximately 47 million women, young, old, widowed and divorce; but many have something in common.  They have become “one of the fastest growing demographics;” who often doesn’t vote.  Did you know that 20 million unmarried women didn’t vote in 2004?  Wow!!!

“Women’s Voices Women Vote,” (WVWV) has focused on this issue.  They have a cool video with many female celebrities discussing voting.  Check out “The League of Women Voters” website, too.  Also, if you know the candidates in your communities, search the internet, for their websites, blogs and “Myspace” accounts to find out more about them and their platforms.  Yes, I said “Myspace.”  You don’t have to be under-30 to have an account.  Many politicians have their own “Myspace” pages, like Barack Obama, the Senator from Illinois and Dave Upthegrove, the State Representative from Washington.  Remember, these organizations and websites are great resources to use.  

Why would I discuss voting on 4The Perfect Fit’s blog?  As a life coach, I always suggest to my clients, it’s important for single women, to become proactive in making decisions that can effect their lives. They can do this by looking at their choices and deciding which consequences they can live with.  Why? Choice can be very empowering. 

Do you think that the elected officials in your community can effect your life?  Yes! No! Maybe!  Ok, you may be disappointed by the results; but, that’s OK.  Remember failure is good.  You grow from it.  It gives you perspective.  Also, keep in mind, your vote makes your voice heard.  Isn’t it great goal to express your opinion by voting?  It also makes you a part of a community; i.e. a network of people with similar ideas and interest.  Don’t forget the next Election Day is Tuesday, November 7, 2006.  There’s still time to register in some states, if you haven’t already.

Administrator
Nov 4th, 2006

Ladies – If You Want to be Healthier – Make a Friend

Friendships between women are important for mental and physical health.  So why is it when I speak to many women, in their thirties and forties, they often say, “They don’t have any friends or at least close friends” … or “they have very few friends?”  Or sometimes they even say, “They don’t have time for friends anymore.”  When I hear this, I tell women how important it is to have and nurture their relationships with women.  In some ways, friendships are more important than being in a relationship with a partner.  Why? 

Friendships with women improve your health, literally.  What does companionship with women do for us?  It reduces stress, lowers cholesterol and blood pressure, increases longevity, and even decreases your risk of getting Alzheimer’s.  So, if the benefits of having friends are so great, why is it so hard to, to have and maintain them, as we get older?  How can we make our friendships a priority, as we would a job or a relationship with a partner?  Why are we so busy? 

Some things are out of your hands.  You may have to travel for work, take care of children or just can’t find the time in your schedule for them.  Also, life changes like marriage, relocation, having children, death, illness or divorce could also have affected your relationships.  Sometimes we pull back when we’re busy or going through a life change.  We don’t communicate with our friends how important they are to us, how much we need them or sometimes we just don’t bother them and we lose touch.  But, instead of pulling back, it’s very important to make and maintain your relationships.  It’s not easy; but, it’s worth it, especially for women.  So pick up the phone and make a date with an old or new friend. What do you have to loose?  What will you gain?

Links on the Benefits of Friendship for Women

Administrator
Nov 1st, 2006

Forgiveness Will Help You Move Past the Emotional Baggage

I woke up last night, turned on the television, and found myself watching a dating show.  In the show there was a young woman who was tells her date, she doesn’t want to get married or even date really, because eventually men leave you. She felt that men were always looking for someone better, smarter, prettier, etc.  But the date wasn’t going to her expectations, the young man seemed interested in her and still wanted to connect with her.  He really wanted to find out more about her, her feeling and share his experiences with her, too.  But, that made her call him, sensitive and eventually confronting him by saying he wasn’t different than anyone else, and she ultimately told him he was probably a cheat, too.  Needless to say, the date didn’t go well.  Watching this woman’s reality moment, made me realize, the date would have been the same, even if it wasn’t television. 

I want you, to ask yourself a question?  Have you ever found yourself doing something similar in life?  Not necessarily on a date; but, when you are exposed to a new experience, get a new opportunity , or even accepting an invitation out for the evening?  Do you sometimes predict a pessimistic result?  Is this you?  Now think about it and fill in your blank.  Do you know what causes this?  Say it!  You know it!!   Baggage!!! 

Yes, I know its an ugly word and by the time you are thirty you’ve probably heard it at least once.  But, its real.  It can cause you challenges in life.  Why? It makes you project expectations from previous experiences and not look at the potential in the situation you are in. How do you change this?   You have to exorcize it.  Some remedies are, go to therapy, get a coach, or seek spiritual counsel; but there is a cheaper way, forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is a great way to let go of the emotional baggage that is keeping you from enjoying life and getting what you want.  Forgiveness will allow you to release yourself from resentment that has become a barrier in you life’s journey, to find a mate, new job or exploring your talents.  Remember, if you don’t address your emotional baggage, it can also affect your ability to live the life you desire.  It’s ok that you might not be aware of your baggage on the surface, but when you discover it, the benefits of forgiving and letting it go are huge.  So let me ask you, what’s keeping you from forgiving both, personally and professionally, to live your best life?

… and remember “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~~Catherine Ponder~~Links on Forgiveness

Books on Forgiveness

  

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