Metamorphosis

Recently, I’ve been writing about how Mental Clutter and Negativity can create baggage. But, physical clutter can, too.  I read this great article   “Declutter Your Mind and Think Clearly” in Real Simple; which also speaks to this, too.

So, it’s time to clean your house, office, car etc. today. Yes, I said today.  The reason, even if your house, office, car, etc. are clean, objects, and papers you have in them, may represent negativity that can create baggage; i.e., physical clutter can create mental barriers.  A gift from a friend or boyfriend that betrayed you, a dress that’s a size 4 when you’re currently a size 14 or vice versa, can remind you of who you were and not help you embrace the positive things that are currently in your life.

Therefore, sometimes it’s just junk, sometimes clutter is meaningful. To move forward you must live in the present.  That doesn’t mean you cannot have memories; but, a few items, not everything.  It’s time to get rid of the depressing objects, especially if they are holding you back.  

How do you do it?

Make a list of 50 things you need to throw out.  If you don’t know where to start here are a couple of tips.

• A good rule for clothing and other items, if you have not worn or used it in a year throw it out or donate it. 
• If it’s broken or stained, repair it or get rid of it.  That includes computers or old phones.

Now try making your list of 50 things again.  Remember if you can’t bear to throw away, you can donate things, Freecycle or eBay them, if you feel they would have use to someone else.  Check out the 43 Folders Blog, ”Voxpop:  Converting Clutter From Trash to Cash.”  It’s a Win-Win.  Don’t forget to check off objects as you get rid of them.
I’m going to make one special request; you must throw it out in 6 days.  Then on the seventh day, ask yourself, “How does it feel?”  You should feel lighter.  If not, do it again.  Don’t keep things that keep you from attracting positive energy in your life.  It’s all about being present and working toward a bountiful future and not living in the past.

I know many of you have heard of the Butterfly Effect.  Most of the time the butterfly effect signals doom and gloom; in real life, it can change your life and outlook on it.  How?  Because all you have to do in make one small change, as Tony Robbins suggest.  That starts the Butterfly Effect. 

Have you ever noticed when you try to change something; by use of deprivation or the all or nothing philosophy to complete a task, it creates burn out? 

Make a list of the times you have done this in you life?  Losing weight, Exercising, Studying, Completing a project, etc.  Did you accomplish your goal? …Part of your Goal?  …None of your goal?  Why?  It’s OK.  This help you lean from your mistakes.

Now look at the times in you life you’ve just change one thing.  Went back to school part time?  Added an extra 10 or 25 dollars to your credit card payment?  Stopped drinking soda, alcohol, etc. and started drinking more water?  What happened?  Did you reach you goal or were you able to change your behavior?  The point, if you have a goal, just change one behavior or action that will move you toward reaching your goal.  See what happens?

Now look at you goal? 

Decide what action you can do today to reach your goal.  Make sure its something you can do consistently and easily.  The American Academy of Family Physicians states it will take 21 days to make new behavior a habit. Flylady uses this methodology to help you conquer clutter.  Ehow discusses using the 21 day approach to develop a new personal practice.

Look back on your goal?  How close are you to achieving it?  What are the by products of taking a small step toward change?  Manageable actions! Life Change!! Success!!!

How many of you have been following the story of Paul Potts, the car phone warehouse salesman who became an international phenomenon this week?  I have and his inspirational story reminded me of a wonderful proverb:

All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of yesterday.”

There were two blogs that especially repeated this sentiment to me:  Sue Cheel’s, “Abundance Highway,” and Bea Fields’, “Five Star Leader Blog.”

Why? Well, even though Paul Potts looked awkward and his life seems dull and dreary, to the judges and the audience, he had a love for music which he developed. When you look at this his life it truly wasn’t what we saw in his appearance; he had a supportive wife and the courage to pursue his passion.  He even went to Italy to study.  However, his confidence was shaken by the negative people in his life that created baggage that affected his self-esteem.  But, Potts took a risk, as we can see in his performance on this YouTube video. The reward we all know.  But he his not alone: 

J. K. Rowlings
Kelly Clarkson
Bill Condon

Do you know what their risks were?  What was their reward?  All of these people had dreams.  Though we live in a world that wants overnight sensations, all of these individuals cultivated their passions and never gave up on them. It took a few of them years to see the rewards of the flowers they were cultivating.  Dreams can happen, a risk can make them bloom; but, you have to plant the seeds of your dreams and nurture them, to realize your passion.  The reward is so sweet and worth all of the work you put into it.  
 

Other links

• J. K. Rowlings’ Offical Site
• Kelly Clarkson’s Official Site
• Bill Condon’s Filmography
• Paul Potts Interview from the Today Show on YouTube

Often, I have clients how are addicted to their Blackberries, phones, Bluetooth’s, Sidekicks, etc.  However, they wonder why they are not making the genuine connections with clients, friends, families and potential partners that they’d like.  Well the reason…technology. PUT IT DOWN!!! How can you be intimate with anyone, when the only thing you’re really focused on, is the person you are texting or talking to on your Bluetooth.  Tell them you will call or text them back later, be present and enjoy the person you are with. 

Because of this, I had to duplicate the email I received yesterday, “Ten Blackberry Commandments ” by Joey Reiman of The Brighthouse Consultancy, from Pink Magazine, for you to think about.
 

Ten Blackberry Commandments
By Joey Reiman
 

1. Thou shalt not take the BlackBerry to any table with food on it or family around it. A BlackBerry is not a fruit, nor does it come from a tree.
   
2. Thou shalt not use the BlackBerry as reading material in the event of insomnia. It will only worsen your situation.
   
3. Thou shalt not BlackBerry in lieu of responding to a child’s request (e.g., “Wait a second, I’m reading something.”).
   
4. Thou shalt not place the BlackBerry within distance of hearing its incessant beeps while at home. It is not a bird.
   
5. Thou shalt not check BlackBerry as if it were your baby. It will not cry or stop breathing.
   
6. Thou shalt not confuse number of e-mails with self-worth.
   
7. Thou shalt do everything possible to misplace your BlackBerry on weekends. “There’s No Place Like Home” will never be the tagline for the BlackBerry company.
   
8. Thou shalt remember that a BlackBerry is not a body appendage. It is a device that belongs in your briefcase, on your desk and not in social settings.
   
9. Thou shalt refrain from bringing the BlackBerry to events involving family interaction. Extraneous dialogue with this contraption in lieu of real conversation suggests addiction.
   
10. Thou shalt never, ever, ever bring the BlackBerry to bed. Do this and you are BlackBuried!

Joey Reiman is CEO and founder of The BrightHouse Consultancy. thinkbrighthouse.com

Have a great Weekend!!!

When was the last time you listened to your inner voice?  On that occasion, was it telling you to not do something or putting you down?  Have you noticed when you listen to that voice, your self esteem takes a hit, have regrets, and may even feel depressed?  That voice can be a saboteur.  Well, that’s not the voice I’m talking about. 

I’m taking about the cheerleader voice.  The one that reminds you of your dreams, supports you and tells you that you are a winner.  But for many that voice is the quietest and hardest voice to listen too.  I call that voice, your inner cheerleader voice. The reason, that voice can be drowned out by all of the negative thoughts you have.  But, if you stop and focus on that voice that’s cheering you on, and not the neigh Sayers you can do anything.  So how do you start listening to this voice? 

Stop >  Focus > Trust Yourself > Persevere or as Nike says, “Just Do it!”

Meditation
Journaling
Dating Yourself –That means doing one thing selfishly that’s important to you, a manicure, a trip to the museum or an adventure.  (This is call taking care of you; also known as the artist date.)

Even if you fail you will have no regrets, because you tried.  Listen you your Cheerleader voice, it will be worth it.

I flew on the flying trapeze, Monday.  As a coach I always encourage my clients to take risk; but, I also have to ask a coach.  I have challenges, too.  Recently, I took a chance to fly on the flying trapeze.  My excuse for try to fly on the trapeze was it would be a great learning and teambuilding exercise for my clients.  Because many things we value and goals we want are not safe.  But, was this really the reason I was doing it?  Was this really true for me?  Well I found out. 

I went to the Trapeze School of NY on Pier 40; many of you have seen it on “Sex and the City.”  I learned a lot in this exercise and I’d like to share it.  The trapeze represents a risk or thrill reminds you that you are alive and living in the moment.  It also tells you that you need to listen to yourself and the people that are important to you or can help you get what you want.  You discover you have to trust yourself and support others especially when they are like minded and support you.  Finally, it the exercise yells, “Don’t hesitate!!!”  If you stutter step you might miss and opportunity.  Can you believe I learned all of this at 23 feet in the air?  Yes, I did. 

Being one the trapeze reminded me, many of us say we are going to do something; but, we never do it.  I even remembered why I was drawn to this exercise; 10 years ago I wanted to go to circus school at Club Med.  Well, I went to Club Med but I didn’t go to circus school.  The reason I remember it was I was in the Bahamas when Lady Diana died.  She was so alive for that moment.  But, then she was gone in an instant.  Is there something that you have wanted to do, as Nike says?  Just do it!!!  You will be so glad afterwards; because you will remember you are alive.  Also, the trapeze is a metaphor for the risk you need to take to achieve your goals.  I hope you try it or at least live in the moment and stop putting off your dreams. 

In my last blog, I spoke on professional value. I asked do you know your value. I also committed to discuss personal value. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I want to ask you, what are your personal values? If you have an answer, great!!! However, when I ask many women about their personal ideals, I start hearing the story of their life, losses, successes, etc., or silence. If I ask them, would they sell the handbag they are holding, I would get a quick answer “Yes” or “No.” Why is this? Is it because they know the worth of their purse? Why is it difficult to define personal ideals? Consider these questions:

• Does what you want in life defines your personal standards?
• Do the people who are closest to you define your values?
• Do the things you don’t do also describe your personal ethics, too?

The answer to the above questions? Yes.

Now, I’d like you to define your values. Remember, these are the things that are most important to you? Your values are not other’s opinions of what’s important to you. Just make a list. It may start with a lot of things at first; but, prioritize them and try to have only five. Just knowing what’s important to you will help you make better decisions. Why?

Suppose your list of priorities looks like this:

1. Family
2. Achievement
3. Professional Development
4. Ambition
5. Friends

What if today you had the opportunity to hang out late at a friend’s birthday party; but, it’s the night before you are going to a conference with a SVP in your department. What will you do? Ask yourself these questions:

Now what will you do? Does your answer change? Often decisions are emotional, not looking at what could make the situation support your priorities and choices. Always consider your priorities. If your friends are a priority you can make the situation win-win by just showing up. But even if you don’t go, are you wrong? Remember, what’s important to you is important to you. Your values are your values. My point, if you don’t value your life, choices and dreams, no one else will. Finally, values don’t have to have a dollar amount to mean something to you and others, they are priceless.

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

~~Pablo Picasso~~

I love this quote. It speaks to the procrastinators in all of us. However, for women, it speaks to the need to please everyone but ourselves. Why? When was the last time you took a minute for yourself? I know that you have to work, take care of children, boyfriends, husbands, mothers, etc. But when you look at the list of things you have done so far today, what have you done for you? … to take care of yourself?

Did you take a long pause after reading that? Did everything come to mind; but, something you wanted or needed to do? Women are nurturers and that what makes women wonderful caregivers, managers and advisors; but, nurturing self is very important, too. It will relieve stress, allow you to take that mental break that will recharge your brain, and overall improve your health. Why? If you don’t take care of you, who will? So what have you been putting off doing?

• Getting your nails done
• Going to the gym
• Picking up that book you’ve been wanting to read
• Make an appointment with your physician, dentist, therapist, etc.
• Register for a class, seminar, or workshop you’ve wanted to take.
• Going to be on time.

This list can go on an on. Why? These things just help you in your quest to reaching your goals.

As a coach I often remind my clients whether they are in a job search or career change, in the midst of a personal crisis or just wanting to drop a few pounds. They have to remember their lifestyle and that not being present and enjoying your life can affect your health, success and well being. It can also affect you achieving your goals. Yes, you may have to do things for other people, employers, children, family, etc; but, you are your priority. Stop living for tomorrow and be present and live for today. Especially, if it means, you are taking care of you.

As a coach most of my day is spent, helping individuals get out of their comfort zone, so they can achieve the goals, success and life they desire. Often I find, the barriers are not created by finances, education, opportunity, etc. but the person. So, how do we stop this behavior? Easy!!!

1. Acknowledge the goal you want to achieve. Many times, women want someone to tell them what their goal is or what they should do and are often frustrated when they aren’t fulfilled. The best person to tell you what you want to d, is you!!!
2. Now tell someone or write in your journal, your goal. It keeps you accountable.
3. Decide that is OK to fail, as long as you try.
4. Don’t make up a story about what will happen, be present, and develop a strategy to accomplish your dream.
5. Try!!! You have to try, to fail or succeed.

Remember the journey can be as great as achieving your goal, regardless of the result.

Email me, coach@4ThePerfectFit.com , your stories of your journeys and successes.

“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”      
~~ George Washington Carver

But wait, is that statement true?  To some, excuses are validations that make an individual who is being or has become undependable to themselves and others, OK. Why?   Excuses can make an individuals feel justified about their ability to not be accountable.  Right?  Yes and no.  Do you agree? 

But wait, excuses can also be helpful to your self esteem and mental health, states a study from at the University of Florida.  At the same time excuses can allow you to be dismissive of your short coming in life or performance of simple task. 

So the question is, are excuses good or bad?  Well, consider this, we need to understand is our values, choices, decisions and the consequences of the excuses we make; because that helps us be more accountable and balanced.  Excuses have validity when they involve facts.  It’s important not to use excuses to justify our behavior on a consistent basis.  It’s important to use them to forgive yourself of the roadblocks we create that keep us from moving forward and reaching our goals; whether they are create by ourselves or others.  This does not mean others need to accept or forgive our excuses.  We must understand that there are consequences to making excuses.  So in the end, we have to realize excuses are all about the person who makes them not necessarily the person who they are directed to.  Also, remember everyone doesn’t have to accept your excuses or forgive you.