Archive for the 'General' Category

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Activity, the Great Stress Reducer

Today, I am discussing point two in stress management, activity. We’ve all heard about the endorphins released when we exercise; still, many of us think exercise has to be a huge workout at the gym. Don’t let that be the excuse that is keeping you from moving.

Exercise is the outlet that all of us can use to vent our frustration; but, it is also something else, “Moving Mediation.*” I wish I had come up with that concept; because it is so right. When we make the time to take a walk and leave the world behind for that 15 or 20 minutes something happens. Our head clears, some say the same thing happens when you drive; but, the benefits of exercising far outweigh any benefits of driving.

Yes, exercise can help control weight, prevent heart disease and improves ones body image. But, the benefits to us mentally if we increase our physical activity are endless. If world leaders can take time out of their busy schedules to exercise there must be something to it.

The American Heart Association recommends 30 minutes of moderate activity a day at least five days a week. Are you doing that? Go take a walk it doesn’t have to be on a treadmill or all at one time. Just get moving. Don’t let stress get in the way of your success.

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I really felt the need to share this with all. These valuable lessons in life are for anyone even if they are not just starting out. I hope it gives you something to think about.

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I met a young man, who I felt was a farmer, who harvested success, yesterday in New York City on the Upper Eastside.  Why was that important, because, he was an entrepreneur growing winner who achieve.  He is a mentor and runs a program for young people that had a lot of constraints; but, he found a way to mentor young people in spite of the obstacles.  His friends stand in line to help him. Why because he is a problem solver, mentor and a superstar and he doesn’t let obstacle keep him from being a success. 

Why do I write about this?  Many of us can learn from this young person.  Obstacles are created in your head.  Yes, he is young and he can fail and he has a huge future ahead of him; but, he doesn’t dwell on what he can’t do, he only focuses on what he can.  Because of this obstacles disappear and doors fly open.  

The lesson I’d like my clients to learn is the next time you focus on what’s going wrong, ask yourself what:

  • You want to do?
  • Is working?
  • You can do?
  • You need to do?

I’m not saying don’t focus on any problems; but, remember the Serenity prayer 

Serenity

GOD, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen                   
By Reinhold Neibuhr

This prayer will remind you to embrace the things that you can change, not to focus on the things you can’t alter, at least not right now and focus on the positive. You will be happier; less stressed and have more success in the end

It’s starting to get to that time of year where I recommend to all of my clients to get reconnect. This is especially important, when we are working on goals. I recommend reaching out to individuals who can support you in your journey and also it is important for your mental health. But before you do this via email, review your email and where it comes from.

Often I notice that many of my clients use their current work email as their contact email. Why is this a problem? When connecting with personal friends, topics may come up that you may not want your employer to know about. Remember that all email correspondence is technically property of your employer. The other issue I’ve noticed, cutesy emails. What’s cutesy: sexybabydoll, momat21, hotlover, etc. Why is this a problem? Would you want a prospective employer to see you as a hotlover? Would you feel comfortable having an email being referred to a decision maker from hotlover?So, take the time out, to get an email that is professional. Use your initials, birthday, etc. It’s not only about connecting; but it’s also about, being taken seriously.

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I was watching the Today show when the question was asked, “Who’s Happier, Men or Women?” There was a study done by the Wharton School of Business that show that men are 90 minutes happier a day than women. Surprised? I was.

Why is this happening? It appears we (women) have more on our plates than we did 30 years ago; but, we try to do it all. Well, Karyn White’s, “Superwoman was out in the 80’s and we didn’t listen to her. How are we now to remedy this struggle. Well, the report was a start. We have to be honest. I’m very happy that women were honest, as a woman and a coach. It is the first step to being happier. Therefore if you follow these five (5) steps you should start having more happier moments in your day.

  • Acknowledge – You have to acknowledge that you aren’t happy; but, you want to be.
  • Prioritize – You can’t do everything so try to do what’s most important to you.
  • Let go – No one’s perfect. But, trying to be and not embracing challenges and failure as a positive and not an obstacle prevents the growth, learning and the joy of success.
  • Change – Only you have the power to change your life. If you need to play more, love more, clean more, etc. “do it” but don’t forget to ask for help and support. Friends, family, colleagues, etc. are a great beginning; but, babysitters, housekeepers, therapist, trainers, coaches, etc., are another.

Be happy – Many women are miserable because they have forgotten what joy is. Smile a little more at others, count your blessings, and laugh at yourself. It’s a fact that all of these can improve your mood, increase the possibilities of success, and how others perceive you. In the end, it’s about knowing what’s important to you, owning you life and its challenges, asking for help when needed, and deciding you want to enjoy your life more. It may be tough at first; but, in the end, it’s worth it.

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Be Present and Stop Projecting the Future

Too many times, I have clients who are afraid of owning their lives and dreams.  This is because they project the outcome of attempting a goal in every aspect of their lives.  Why? They go back to the past and know the outcome of the situation. But, is this true?  Are they learning from the past or are they using it as and obstacle to keep from experiencing, growing and moving forward.  When I see this happening, I suggest “Being Present.”  Many times I get a, “What???”  I’m not saying it isn’t hard; but, being present can create so much more positive energy.

Consider these 4 things on, “Being Present.”  It could help you move forward.

  1. Stop projecting.  It only holds you back and keeps you from moving forward.  If you don’t try something, what happens?  Nothing!!!  An example, being negative may be factual; but, is it constructive? Can you change it?  If you say negatives you will attract the negative and if you aren’t present experiencing your life, you create a truth without the action taking place and the fiction you are thinking becomes fact. 
  2. Listen, participating in a conversation is not always about talking it can be about paying attention, too.  The appropriate response or reaction can be everything.
  3. Try.  Look for a new job.  Go out on a date.  Try a new hobby, etc. Sometimes it’s not even about taking the risk; it’s about just doing one thing to move in the direction of accomplishing what you want.
  4. Be open.  The unexpected may happen.  It could change your perspective on something or someone. 

If you don’t do this yet, don’t worry.  Just be present now, acknowledge what you do and how you want to change and move forward.  What happened?  Did you change?  Your Energy?  Etc.

Check out theses great tips and thoughts on “Being Present:”

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What We Can Learn From Beyonce’s Fall

I saw the infamous video of Beyonce’s Fall and I have a brief comment. As a coach I feel that we can learn from this event.  We all have made mistakes; but, the outcome of those blunders depends on how we handle them.  We can quit and slink away; but, what will be the result? 

A few people will feel sorry for you; however, if you persevere most will rally behind you. 

When I coach clients, I often remind them that in most cases no one notices the mistakes unless you point them out or continually and /or apologize for them; but, do nothing about your error.  However, it is important that you own them, learn and try to recover as quickly as possible because,

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving.
 They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”

  ~~Conrad Hilton~~Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.
Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.

Do you have your own moments when you fell metaphorically and succeeded when you kept striving?  I’d love to hear about them.

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Reward Yourself and Accomplish More

We’ve all heard, work hard play hard.  But, do we really believe this?  I always ask my clients in the middle of working towards a goal, “What are you doing for fun or to reward yourself for the work you are doing?”  Why? Many individuals burn out, if all they are doing is working.  Even, if they are doing or working towards something they desire. 

Because of this, I always remind my clients to take a break and/or reward themselves. The first time I do this, I get all kinds of arguments; mainly, time, money, or both. When I saw, Suzanne McLoone’s blog, post “Can You Afford Not To.” It spoke volumes and I totally agree with it.  She states, “You are the boss” of you, and if you don’t reward yourself, who will.  I whole heartedly agree.  

That’s why I suggest, when you have goals that can’t be accomplished in one sitting, set mini-goals or benchmarks all along the way.  This will allow you to check-in, refocus and reward yourself for the work you have done.  Also, don’t forget to follow through on your rewards; because, you might stop trusting the most important person in you life, “You.” Finally, make sure your reward is inspiring and enjoyable to you.  “bootstrapbusiness.org” has a wonderful blog posting on “Rewarding Yourself” which discusses this further. 
I’ve come up with a list of things that you can do, all for $20 and under.  Now you have no more excuses.  You are the boss of you and I’m reminding you to reward yourself.  Here are ten (10) suggestions.

  1. Pamper yourself, buy a new lipstick, or get a Manicure the hand massage will be work it.
  2. Go to the movies, the tickets aren’t $20 yet.
  3. Take a night out.  Go see an off-off Broadway play or one at your local community theatre.  Make arrangement to see a local concert in the park. You can’t beat and entertaining evening out.
  4. Go to a museum or gallery exhibit you’ve been meaning to see. 
  5. Buy yourself a Flower’s.  Often you can get a nice arrangements of in season flowers at your local florist for $20
  6. Buy yourself a $20 gift card.  Put it in your wallet and use it when you want to treat yourself. 
  7. Change Your Space.  Buy a gallon of paint and paint your bedroom or office.  Rearrange your furniture.  It’s a great pick me up.
  8. Go a Do It Yourself Craft Store.  Make a necklace, stuffed animal or paint a new coffee mug for $20 or under.
  9. Send an email, text or even make a phone call to a friend, if possible someone you haven’t connected with lately. Invite them out for a cup of coffee.
  10. Buy a local tour book, go online to your local chamber of commerce or look at what’s happening calendar in your local paper.  Take a walking tour of your city and go sightseeing.  Don’t forget your camera.  It’s vacation in your own backyard.

These are just a few suggestions.  Get creative.  I’d love to hear what you do, to reward yourself.

No obstacles, now its time to take the risk.  Why is it so hard?  Grigor Ćorić, of “Behind the Glasses” states we are not all born risk takers.  That some types of personalities are more inclined to take risk.  However, when you are trying to reach a goal, it is something you desire or an unknown talent that you want to embrace and flourish.  Is it really a risk? 

Why is it so hard for us to go after our dreams; fear, lack of support, and no confidence in succeeding?  How do you change this?  Acknowledge your goals.  Write them down.  Keep them simple or if you have a big goal.  Break it down into steps.  Goals should always be clear and succinct.  .

Now make your goal measurable. Make sure your goal no longer than 90 days for the sake of this lesson.  I want you to succeed.

I always ask my clients to think of 10 goals in 90 days.  Can you believe they get stuck?  Why?  They are so focused on the long ranged goals which can be overwhelming that they don’t look at the immediate things they can and need to accomplish.  Breaking things down could help you; get to where they need to go. Don’t make a layered goal.  That’s a goal that depends on to many things to accomplish and would really be a long-term or complex goal. 

Now start doing.  I know it takes an element of risk on your part.  I always ask my clients, is not the risk worth the reward?   Seth Godin, discusses in his blog, “Taking a Risk” is that risk taking is interesting.  Though, he’s referring to business, the same concept occurs in real life.  Look at how we route for the underdog when they are trying to succeed. We all love Cinderella Stories and have our favorite version. Why? Its about trying and overcoming adversity. 

Now that you have starting working on your goal, people will embrace you for being proactive and want to be a part of your success.  They become the beginning of your support network.  Also, you may fail; but, this could be a part of the learning process.  But that doesn’t mean stop. 

Finally, while reading the “Looking for the Truth,” blog, that discusses life lessons in Christianity, that talents have to be nurtured.  I found it interesting that it talks about how people will give you clues and encouragement about your talents; but, you have to use them.  Then they will mature and flourish.  The same is true with our goals.  As you work towards them, they become easier to achieve.  You become stronger, more confident, but, it’s OK to still be afraid. That makes the goal worth the challenge.

What have we learned? Goal(s) + Fear + Risk + Work + Support = Success.  Are you ready to succeed? 

What we can learn from Paris Hilton.  When you have to do something you can do it.  But is that always the best way?  On Larry King she discussed she had claustrophobia and when she realized she had to stay in jail she dealt with it.  …and that’s the lesson. 

Why is it that when we have to deal with a challenge, look for a new job, dump the boyfriend, husband, etc, or lose a few pounds, we come up with every excuse instead of dealing with the challenge and what’s wrong. The reason is our excuses are a coping mechanism. 
How do you get started if you want to deal with your challenge before a crisis? 
Acknowledge what’s wrong.  That’s sometimes the hardest thing.
Be honest, you have a part in what’s happening. Also ask your self how you have added value to your current position, relationship or situation.  That could be a real eye opener.  What it means is you might be a part of the problem. 
Now get to know yourself.  Go back and ask yourself you strengths and weakness and where you need to develop.  What are the things you want, need and the deal breakers you have in life.  A good example, why go on a diet that you have to eat shrimp 5 times a week and you are allergic.  That doesn’t work.  It’s about learning not to sabotage yourself. 

Understand the challenge. It’s about not trying to make a fit where it doesn’t work.  It doesn’t work with clothing and it doesn’t work with people with either.  You can date someone or marry someone who seems to not have anything in common with you; but, in reality it works because you have similar values and/or they compliment one another. 

Now learn from your mistakes because sometimes the reasons things don’t work are justifiable.  Fore instance, the hours at your job don’t work for you because you’re a single parent, or you are back in school.  The commute may be taking its toll because you are not connecting personally or professionally.  You could be a pastry chef and it wreaks havoc on your waistline.  Or; the culture or an organization is working an 18 hour day and that’s never been you.  All of these are just a few examples. But, learn from them.  It will help you find your next opportunity or mate and manage your partner, job or food intake better. 

The point is you should look at all of your challenges in life to help conquer them.   The reason, it’s easier to take charge of your life now before you are forced to.  It makes change easier to accept, more permanent and less traumatic because you have a choice. 
 

…Remember

Things don’t change; we change.
~~Henry David Thoreau~~

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