Archive for the 'Change' Category

I always want my clients to explore the possibilities. Often I hear; how can I? Well you can and Vocation Vacation is giving NY’ers a chance to experience Vocation Vacations for free. They are having a contest, launching a national Vocationing Club and New York City is where they will be kicking things off.

They will provide the five NYC-area Vocation Vacations listed below to five, to 5 lucky New York-area individuals as a gift for being part of their inaugural Vocationing Club. I really want to encourage all to enter this contest by writing a 250 word essay sent in the email text or in a separate, attached word document with a note that states which of the five Vocation Vacations you are most interested in and why. You must also include:

  • Your name
  • Address
  • Email
  • phone numbers
  • and a brief title and/or description of what you currently do for a living today.

To Submissions will be accepted through December 31, 2007 and and/or forward this blog to friends. You must fit a certain criteria to qualify and be selected to become an inaugural member of Vocation Vacation. Please click here to find out what they are and find out what you will also receive if you are selected.
The five free Vocation Vacations available are:

Vocationing Club inaugural members, will meet for breakfast once a week for eight weeks, starting Tuesday, January 21st in a midtown diner at 7 AM and team-up with four other Vocationing Club members and together, you will experience the eight steps of the Vocationing process as laid out in Brian Kurth’s new book, TEST-DRIVE YOUR DREAM JOB (Hachette Group USA, January 2008.

Vocation Vacation is offering a wonderful opportunity for all individuals in NYC to discover a new vocation in a safe supportive environment. To find out more information on the contest and how to enter click here.

I met a young man, who I felt was a farmer, who harvested success, yesterday in New York City on the Upper Eastside.  Why was that important, because, he was an entrepreneur growing winner who achieve.  He is a mentor and runs a program for young people that had a lot of constraints; but, he found a way to mentor young people in spite of the obstacles.  His friends stand in line to help him. Why because he is a problem solver, mentor and a superstar and he doesn’t let obstacle keep him from being a success. 

Why do I write about this?  Many of us can learn from this young person.  Obstacles are created in your head.  Yes, he is young and he can fail and he has a huge future ahead of him; but, he doesn’t dwell on what he can’t do, he only focuses on what he can.  Because of this obstacles disappear and doors fly open.  

The lesson I’d like my clients to learn is the next time you focus on what’s going wrong, ask yourself what:

  • You want to do?
  • Is working?
  • You can do?
  • You need to do?

I’m not saying don’t focus on any problems; but, remember the Serenity prayer 


GOD, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

By Reinhold Neibuhr

This prayer will remind you to embrace the things that you can change, not to focus on the things you can’t alter, at least not right now and focus on the positive. You will be happier; less stressed and have more success in the end

It’s starting to get to that time of year where I recommend to all of my clients to get reconnect. This is especially important, when we are working on goals. I recommend reaching out to individuals who can support you in your journey and also it is important for your mental health. But before you do this via email, review your email and where it comes from.

Often I notice that many of my clients use their current work email as their contact email. Why is this a problem? When connecting with personal friends, topics may come up that you may not want your employer to know about. Remember that all email correspondence is technically property of your employer. The other issue I’ve noticed, cutesy emails. What’s cutesy: sexybabydoll, momat21, hotlover, etc. Why is this a problem? Would you want a prospective employer to see you as a hotlover? Would you feel comfortable having an email being referred to a decision maker from hotlover?So, take the time out, to get an email that is professional. Use your initials, birthday, etc. It’s not only about connecting; but it’s also about, being taken seriously.

Other Links:

I was watching the Today show when the question was asked, “Who’s Happier, Men or Women?” There was a study done by the Wharton School of Business that show that men are 90 minutes happier a day than women. Surprised? I was.

Why is this happening? It appears we (women) have more on our plates than we did 30 years ago; but, we try to do it all. Well, Karyn White’s, “Superwoman was out in the 80’s and we didn’t listen to her. How are we now to remedy this struggle. Well, the report was a start. We have to be honest. I’m very happy that women were honest, as a woman and a coach. It is the first step to being happier. Therefore if you follow these five (5) steps you should start having more happier moments in your day.

  • Acknowledge – You have to acknowledge that you aren’t happy; but, you want to be.
  • Prioritize – You can’t do everything so try to do what’s most important to you.
  • Let go – No one’s perfect. But, trying to be and not embracing challenges and failure as a positive and not an obstacle prevents the growth, learning and the joy of success.
  • Change – Only you have the power to change your life. If you need to play more, love more, clean more, etc. “do it” but don’t forget to ask for help and support. Friends, family, colleagues, etc. are a great beginning; but, babysitters, housekeepers, therapist, trainers, coaches, etc., are another.

Be happy – Many women are miserable because they have forgotten what joy is. Smile a little more at others, count your blessings, and laugh at yourself. It’s a fact that all of these can improve your mood, increase the possibilities of success, and how others perceive you. In the end, it’s about knowing what’s important to you, owning you life and its challenges, asking for help when needed, and deciding you want to enjoy your life more. It may be tough at first; but, in the end, it’s worth it.

Other Links:

After Labor Day this year, I was watching a news story that stated Labor Day was the beginning of the New Year.  It discussed how many consider Labor Day the beginning of their year.  I also agree.  Why?  Summer ends, schools starts and the 4th quarter begins.  Also, this is when many companies start evaluating what they’ve accomplished this year and start developing their new business strategies.  Why shouldn’t you? 

October is an excellent time for you to be proactive and evaluate your life and career.  How do you do this?  Ask yourself these 10 questions:

  • Do you like what, you’re doing? 
  • What are the things you have accomplished personally, professionally and spiritually? 
  • Have you reach the goals you set for yourself last year? 
  • Have you reached the goals your organization set for you? Spiritual home suggest? Or you made in your business? 
  • How have you contributed to your business, spiritual home or the organization you worked for? 
  • How has your life changed this year? 
  • Do you feel as if you are a valued personally or professionally?  
  • Do you feel you are beginning compensated adequately, rewarded or feel fulfilled personally, professionally, and spiritually? 
  • Is your career path on track?  

Is your life path on track?Why am I asking you to ask yourself these questions?  If you work for an organization, it could be doing the same thing right now.  If you run your own business you should definitely be asking yourself these questions.  Why?  It’s the 4 quarter and companies are preparing for bonuses, promotions or lay-offs.  Business strategies are being set in organizations, businesses and even spiritual houses based on these factors.

Finally, if you don’t know your own value, you may be out of step with how people see you both personally and professionally.  Because of this, take a good look at your life and set 10 goals you want to accomplish, personally, professionally and spiritually. What you will realize once you start managing your life effectively and realizing you play a role in what works and doesn’t work in your life, you will become a success.   

Interesting Links


It’s Not Fair … How Do I Change It

I have had many clients discuss with me as a coach, what is working and what is not working.  I often I hear “IT’S NOT FAIR!!!”  I’m not surprised that my clients or anyone feels this way; but, what does surprise me is that it creates obstacles that keep the individuals from getting what they want and need.  However, that is a challenge that must be overcome to get what you want in your life.  

I’ve discovered 6 simple steps to change this.

  1. Laugh – Ask yourself, do I have any control over the situation.  If you don’t, humor is a great way to start healing and move forward.
  2. Prioritize – Ask yourself is this important to you in your goals.  Why do you consider it a setback if it really isn’t that important and just hurts your feelings? (pride) Most of the things that set us back aren’t really needed by us anyway that are projected on us and we let them stick.
  3. Create Plan – Many wait for something to happen to them.  Thinking if you’re in the right place at the right time, you will get what you want.  But, sometimes there’s even a plan for that.  If you assess your situation, and create a plan, life can become more manageable and the challenge can be conquered.
  4. Find a sponsor, mentor or champion who supports you.  When you’re in a group and make the wrong choice, that’s bad.  However, it’s not uncommon. It’s called “group think.”  But, support can also be positive and give you the courage to do what you need and should do.
  5. Focus on what’s working.  When things are not fair and you fixate on the negative and let it stop you, it lets the other guy win. When you focus on what’s working for you, even when you are having challenges, you normally can find a solution.
  6. Take action.  If you don’t try, nothing will ever happen.  Remember, even if you fail, you did something and if you choose to, you learn from the process.

Try these steps.  They are just a start.  You’ll be amazed if you use these steps and look at life with humor, your life can really turn around rather quickly.


It’s Never to Late … Ask Sabra

The reality dance contest “So You Think You Can Dance, Season 3” crowned a new winner on Thursday night, Sabra Johnson.  She’s a 20 year old dancer from Utah.  So what does that have to do with women in life transition?  Quite a bit, Sabra didn’t start dancing until 4 years ago.  She discovered her passion later in life when most people would have said hang it up. It’s too late to consider this a career choice.  Occasionally men come to the world of dance late; but, it is very challenging for women.  However, she persevered and now she has won the competition against much more seasoned dancers.  Why?  She tried.  She chose to develop her passion, focused on her strengths and learned from her weakness and understood that there may be sacrifices.  She was also open to the feedback when it was given and now she on top of the world. 

Granted this is a lot like a Cinderella story; but, what she did was go after her dream when most would feel it’s too late to try.  Why?  It was important to her. 
So what should you learn from Sabra?  Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer and judge of SYTYCD, said it best “Sabra…you dance with your heart…”  To me that means, if you discover a talent that is your passion go after it.  You may just discover the seeds that you planted late in the season bloom and bear fruit.

What passion have you been afraid to pursue?  It may not be too late to try.

Congratulations Sabra!!!

As a coach, being present and being honest with yourself about you goals and dreams is important to being prosperous both personally and professionally.  I was reminded of this while reading the articles in eweek, “Works Rarely Jump Ship Over Pay Alone” and”IT Execs Bail Early.”  It was interesting to see companies thought employees left because of money; the truth was personal growth, values and culture. 

I know this it IT but this is important regardless of the opportunity you are working in or the passion you have. It’s also important to note this, whether you are looking at a life and career change.  Also, it doesn’t matter if it is in traditional or non traditional work environment; but, take a look at these articles and learn from them.  Why?  Because you need to be truthful with yourself, why don’t you like your current career or position? 

Really look at your values and prioritize what’s important to you.  Understand that you do have a mission and a vision of the life you want.  There are goals that you have that will help you achieve the life you desire.  But if you are not honest and make it about money and not about the things that are important to you in a few months you may find yourself frustrated in your life or career. 

Whose fault is it that you didn’t learn from you last experience?  Why are you so unhappy with the situation you are in?  Why does every opportunity look the same?  Ask yourself these questions. It’s time to listen to yourself and own your dreams. 

No obstacles, now its time to take the risk.  Why is it so hard?  Grigor Ćorić, of “Behind the Glasses” states we are not all born risk takers.  That some types of personalities are more inclined to take risk.  However, when you are trying to reach a goal, it is something you desire or an unknown talent that you want to embrace and flourish.  Is it really a risk? 

Why is it so hard for us to go after our dreams; fear, lack of support, and no confidence in succeeding?  How do you change this?  Acknowledge your goals.  Write them down.  Keep them simple or if you have a big goal.  Break it down into steps.  Goals should always be clear and succinct.  .

Now make your goal measurable. Make sure your goal no longer than 90 days for the sake of this lesson.  I want you to succeed.

I always ask my clients to think of 10 goals in 90 days.  Can you believe they get stuck?  Why?  They are so focused on the long ranged goals which can be overwhelming that they don’t look at the immediate things they can and need to accomplish.  Breaking things down could help you; get to where they need to go. Don’t make a layered goal.  That’s a goal that depends on to many things to accomplish and would really be a long-term or complex goal. 

Now start doing.  I know it takes an element of risk on your part.  I always ask my clients, is not the risk worth the reward?   Seth Godin, discusses in his blog, “Taking a Risk” is that risk taking is interesting.  Though, he’s referring to business, the same concept occurs in real life.  Look at how we route for the underdog when they are trying to succeed. We all love Cinderella Stories and have our favorite version. Why? Its about trying and overcoming adversity. 

Now that you have starting working on your goal, people will embrace you for being proactive and want to be a part of your success.  They become the beginning of your support network.  Also, you may fail; but, this could be a part of the learning process.  But that doesn’t mean stop. 

Finally, while reading the “Looking for the Truth,” blog, that discusses life lessons in Christianity, that talents have to be nurtured.  I found it interesting that it talks about how people will give you clues and encouragement about your talents; but, you have to use them.  Then they will mature and flourish.  The same is true with our goals.  As you work towards them, they become easier to achieve.  You become stronger, more confident, but, it’s OK to still be afraid. That makes the goal worth the challenge.

What have we learned? Goal(s) + Fear + Risk + Work + Support = Success.  Are you ready to succeed? 

What we can learn from Paris Hilton.  When you have to do something you can do it.  But is that always the best way?  On Larry King she discussed she had claustrophobia and when she realized she had to stay in jail she dealt with it.  …and that’s the lesson. 

Why is it that when we have to deal with a challenge, look for a new job, dump the boyfriend, husband, etc, or lose a few pounds, we come up with every excuse instead of dealing with the challenge and what’s wrong. The reason is our excuses are a coping mechanism. 
How do you get started if you want to deal with your challenge before a crisis? 
Acknowledge what’s wrong.  That’s sometimes the hardest thing.
Be honest, you have a part in what’s happening. Also ask your self how you have added value to your current position, relationship or situation.  That could be a real eye opener.  What it means is you might be a part of the problem. 
Now get to know yourself.  Go back and ask yourself you strengths and weakness and where you need to develop.  What are the things you want, need and the deal breakers you have in life.  A good example, why go on a diet that you have to eat shrimp 5 times a week and you are allergic.  That doesn’t work.  It’s about learning not to sabotage yourself. 

Understand the challenge. It’s about not trying to make a fit where it doesn’t work.  It doesn’t work with clothing and it doesn’t work with people with either.  You can date someone or marry someone who seems to not have anything in common with you; but, in reality it works because you have similar values and/or they compliment one another. 

Now learn from your mistakes because sometimes the reasons things don’t work are justifiable.  Fore instance, the hours at your job don’t work for you because you’re a single parent, or you are back in school.  The commute may be taking its toll because you are not connecting personally or professionally.  You could be a pastry chef and it wreaks havoc on your waistline.  Or; the culture or an organization is working an 18 hour day and that’s never been you.  All of these are just a few examples. But, learn from them.  It will help you find your next opportunity or mate and manage your partner, job or food intake better. 

The point is you should look at all of your challenges in life to help conquer them.   The reason, it’s easier to take charge of your life now before you are forced to.  It makes change easier to accept, more permanent and less traumatic because you have a choice. 


Things don’t change; we change.
~~Henry David Thoreau~~