Archive for June, 2007

I was reading a blog today about the “The Laws of Attraction and a Clean, Clutter Free Home” by Lisa Q.  It stated “… ones home is also responsible for manifesting one’s dreams.”  But I want to take it a step further, your mind can make your goals happen or stop them like a brick wall, too. 

Most coaching takes place over the phone. I seldom know the clutter my clients have in their homes or offices; but, I do hear the clutter in their minds.  Since most of my clients are women the minds are littered with broken relationships, empty arms longing for infants and the career of a lifetime lost because of a lack of confidence.
Is the clutter a symptom of physical clutter or is it vice versa?  It’s not clear.  But, what is clear is that clutter, must be eliminated, to make space for the positive energy needed to achieve the dreams you long for. 

Don’t let old baggage hold you back; i.e., the memories that the clutter and build a physical obstacle from your dreams so it near impossible to realizing them.  Throw it out, the clutter, not just symbolically; but, physically.  Clean out that inbox, donate or sell clothes in your closet that you never wear or accept that the man you’ve been dating for 5 years doesn’t want to get married and make room for your dreams. 

How many of you have been following the story of Paul Potts, the car phone warehouse salesman who became an international phenomenon this week?  I have and his inspirational story reminded me of a wonderful proverb:

All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of yesterday.”

There were two blogs that especially repeated this sentiment to me:  Sue Cheel’s, “Abundance Highway,” and Bea Fields’, “Five Star Leader Blog.”

Why? Well, even though Paul Potts looked awkward and his life seems dull and dreary, to the judges and the audience, he had a love for music which he developed. When you look at this his life it truly wasn’t what we saw in his appearance; he had a supportive wife and the courage to pursue his passion.  He even went to Italy to study.  However, his confidence was shaken by the negative people in his life that created baggage that affected his self-esteem.  But, Potts took a risk, as we can see in his performance on this YouTube video. The reward we all know.  But he his not alone: 

J. K. Rowlings
Kelly Clarkson
Bill Condon

Do you know what their risks were?  What was their reward?  All of these people had dreams.  Though we live in a world that wants overnight sensations, all of these individuals cultivated their passions and never gave up on them. It took a few of them years to see the rewards of the flowers they were cultivating.  Dreams can happen, a risk can make them bloom; but, you have to plant the seeds of your dreams and nurture them, to realize your passion.  The reward is so sweet and worth all of the work you put into it.  

Other links


Set Your Secrets Free – Acknowledge Them

Secrets can be dreams, vices, issues or challenges you feel may create judgment from others if you expose them.  However, the judgment normally is internal.  Secrets can create baggage, personal roadblocks and obstacles that keep you from realizing your potential and dreams.  

That’s why when I discovered this great blog today, I wanted to share it.  It’s called PostSecret and it might help you find a great way to use an artist date or release negativity you have for others or self.  PostSecret, is a wonderful blog that lets you post secrets anonymously.  This allows you to at least tell someone your secret no matter how personal or hidden it is.  You can do it creatively through art or words.   Journals also do this; but, sometimes it’s more freeing to tell others.
There are a couple of other sites on the web that also have this component:

Confession Heals
Secret Chest

But, the biggest thing to remember if you can’t tell anyone your secret, a friend, therapist, coach, mentor, pastor, rabbi, priest, etc., these are places to put your secret out there, so you can forgive, heal and/or move forward.  Why is it important?  Baggage, creates stress, affects your self esteem, and keeps you from reaching your goals.   


Put Down the Technology!!!

Often, I have clients how are addicted to their Blackberries, phones, Bluetooth’s, Sidekicks, etc.  However, they wonder why they are not making the genuine connections with clients, friends, families and potential partners that they’d like.  Well the reason…technology. PUT IT DOWN!!! How can you be intimate with anyone, when the only thing you’re really focused on, is the person you are texting or talking to on your Bluetooth.  Tell them you will call or text them back later, be present and enjoy the person you are with. 

Because of this, I had to duplicate the email I received yesterday, “Ten Blackberry Commandments ” by Joey Reiman of The Brighthouse Consultancy, from Pink Magazine, for you to think about.

Ten Blackberry Commandments
By Joey Reiman

  1. Thou shalt not take the BlackBerry to any table with food on it or family around it. A BlackBerry is not a fruit, nor does it come from a tree.
  2. Thou shalt not use the BlackBerry as reading material in the event of insomnia. It will only worsen your situation.
  3. Thou shalt not BlackBerry in lieu of responding to a child’s request (e.g., “Wait a second, I’m reading something.”).
  4. Thou shalt not place the BlackBerry within distance of hearing its incessant beeps while at home. It is not a bird.
  5. Thou shalt not check BlackBerry as if it were your baby. It will not cry or stop breathing.
  6. Thou shalt not confuse number of e-mails with self-worth.
  7. Thou shalt do everything possible to misplace your BlackBerry on weekends. “There’s No Place Like Home” will never be the tagline for the BlackBerry company.
  8. Thou shalt remember that a BlackBerry is not a body appendage. It is a device that belongs in your briefcase, on your desk and not in social settings.
  9. Thou shalt refrain from bringing the BlackBerry to events involving family interaction. Extraneous dialogue with this contraption in lieu of real conversation suggests addiction.
  10. Thou shalt never, ever, ever bring the BlackBerry to bed. Do this and you are BlackBuried!

Joey Reiman is CEO and founder of The BrightHouse Consultancy.

Have a great Weekend!!!


Listen to Your Cheerleader Voice

When was the last time you listened to your inner voice?  On that occasion, was it telling you to not do something or putting you down?  Have you noticed when you listen to that voice, your self esteem takes a hit, have regrets, and may even feel depressed?  That voice can be a saboteur.  Well, that’s not the voice I’m talking about. 

I’m taking about the cheerleader voice.  The one that reminds you of your dreams, supports you and tells you that you are a winner.  But for many that voice is the quietest and hardest voice to listen too.  I call that voice, your inner cheerleader voice. The reason, that voice can be drowned out by all of the negative thoughts you have.  But, if you stop and focus on that voice that’s cheering you on, and not the neigh Sayers you can do anything.  So how do you start listening to this voice? 

Stop >  Focus > Trust Yourself > Persevere or as Nike says, “Just Do it!”

Dating Yourself –That means doing one thing selfishly that’s important to you, a manicure, a trip to the museum or an adventure.  (This is call taking care of you; also known as the artist date.)

Even if you fail you will have no regrets, because you tried.  Listen you your Cheerleader voice, it will be worth it.


The Flying Trapeze … The Right Risk

I flew on the flying trapeze, Monday.  As a coach I always encourage my clients to take risk; but, I also have to ask a coach.  I have challenges, too.  Recently, I took a chance to fly on the flying trapeze.  My excuse for try to fly on the trapeze was it would be a great learning and teambuilding exercise for my clients.  Because many things we value and goals we want are not safe.  But, was this really the reason I was doing it?  Was this really true for me?  Well I found out. 

I went to the Trapeze School of NY on Pier 40; many of you have seen it on “Sex and the City.”  I learned a lot in this exercise and I’d like to share it.  The trapeze represents a risk or thrill reminds you that you are alive and living in the moment.  It also tells you that you need to listen to yourself and the people that are important to you or can help you get what you want.  You discover you have to trust yourself and support others especially when they are like minded and support you.  Finally, it the exercise yells, “Don’t hesitate!!!”  If you stutter step you might miss and opportunity.  Can you believe I learned all of this at 23 feet in the air?  Yes, I did. 

Being one the trapeze reminded me, many of us say we are going to do something; but, we never do it.  I even remembered why I was drawn to this exercise; 10 years ago I wanted to go to circus school at Club Med.  Well, I went to Club Med but I didn’t go to circus school.  The reason I remember it was I was in the Bahamas when Lady Diana died.  She was so alive for that moment.  But, then she was gone in an instant.  Is there something that you have wanted to do, as Nike says?  Just do it!!!  You will be so glad afterwards; because you will remember you are alive.  Also, the trapeze is a metaphor for the risk you need to take to achieve your goals.  I hope you try it or at least live in the moment and stop putting off your dreams. 


Personal Values are Priceless

In my last blog, I spoke on professional value. I asked do you know your value. I also committed to discuss personal value. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I want to ask you, what are your personal values? If you have an answer, great!!! However, when I ask many women about their personal ideals, I start hearing the story of their life, losses, successes, etc., or silence. If I ask them, would they sell the handbag they are holding, I would get a quick answer “Yes” or “No.” Why is this? Is it because they know the worth of their purse? Why is it difficult to define personal ideals? Consider these questions:

  • Does what you want in life defines your personal standards?
  • Do the people who are closest to you define your values?
  • Do the things you don’t do also describe your personal ethics, too?

The answer to the above questions? Yes.

Now, I’d like you to define your values. Remember, these are the things that are most important to you? Your values are not other’s opinions of what’s important to you. Just make a list. It may start with a lot of things at first; but, prioritize them and try to have only five. Just knowing what’s important to you will help you make better decisions. Why?

Suppose your list of priorities looks like this:

  1. Family
  2. Achievement
  3. Professional Development
  4. Ambition
  5. Friends

What if today you had the opportunity to hang out late at a friend’s birthday party; but, it’s the night before you are going to a conference with a SVP in your department. What will you do? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is the conference an opportunity that might be important to your career?
  • Will it help you get that promotion or raise you are looking for?
  • Will your friends understand if you stopped by and have one drink and/or maybe a bite of cake?
  • Now what will you do? Does your answer change? Often decisions are emotional, not looking at what could make the situation support your priorities and choices. Always consider your priorities. If your friends are a priority you can make the situation win-win by just showing up. But even if you don’t go, are you wrong? Remember, what’s important to you is important to you. Your values are your values. My point, if you don’t value your life, choices and dreams, no one else will. Finally, values don’t have to have a dollar amount to mean something to you and others, they are priceless.


    Do You Know Your Value?

    Many clients come to me, wanting to change professions. These women have or have had successful careers; but, sometimes have challenges knowing their value. In the past their value has been determined by their employers, not their necessarily their skill set. Most women underestimate their value.

    What’s most interesting is that women make approximately 70% on the dollar compared to their male colleagues. So how do you know your value?

    Research – Your job description and check out websites, books, databases to find out what your colleagues are making in your field.

    Update – Your resume, preferably functional. If you don’t what you’ve do, while this are going great, its difficult to see your value while things are challenging (A lay-off, firing, relocation for personal reasons, etc.

    Network – If you are not a part of your professional community you will not know the business and salary trends of your industry (Example: IT Salaries are going down – Sometimes called a correction.

    Tomorrow – Evaluate Your Personal Value

    Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

    ~~Pablo Picasso~~

    I love this quote. It speaks to the procrastinators in all of us. However, for women, it speaks to the need to please everyone but ourselves. Why? When was the last time you took a minute for yourself? I know that you have to work, take care of children, boyfriends, husbands, mothers, etc. But when you look at the list of things you have done so far today, what have you done for you? … to take care of yourself?

    Did you take a long pause after reading that? Did everything come to mind; but, something you wanted or needed to do? Women are nurturers and that what makes women wonderful caregivers, managers and advisors; but, nurturing self is very important, too. It will relieve stress, allow you to take that mental break that will recharge your brain, and overall improve your health. Why? If you don’t take care of you, who will? So what have you been putting off doing?

    • Getting your nails done
    • Going to the gym
    • Picking up that book you’ve been wanting to read
    • Make an appointment with your physician, dentist, therapist, etc.
    • Register for a class, seminar, or workshop you’ve wanted to take.
    • Going to be on time.

    This list can go on an on. Why? These things just help you in your quest to reaching your goals.

    As a coach I often remind my clients whether they are in a job search or career change, in the midst of a personal crisis or just wanting to drop a few pounds. They have to remember their lifestyle and that not being present and enjoying your life can affect your health, success and well being. It can also affect you achieving your goals. Yes, you may have to do things for other people, employers, children, family, etc; but, you are your priority. Stop living for tomorrow and be present and live for today. Especially, if it means, you are taking care of you.