Archive for May, 2007

As a coach most of my day is spent, helping individuals get out of their comfort zone, so they can achieve the goals, success and life they desire. Often I find, the barriers are not created by finances, education, opportunity, etc. but the person. So, how do we stop this behavior? Easy!!!

  1. Acknowledge the goal you want to achieve. Many times, women want someone to tell them what their goal is or what they should do and are often frustrated when they aren’t fulfilled. The best person to tell you what you want to d, is you!!!
  2. Now tell someone or write in your journal, your goal. It keeps you accountable.
  3. Decide that is OK to fail, as long as you try.
  4. Don’t make up a story about what will happen, be present, and develop a strategy to accomplish your dream.
  5. Try!!! You have to try, to fail or succeed.

Remember the journey can be as great as achieving your goal, regardless of the result.

Email me, , your stories of your journeys and successes.

“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”      
~~ George Washington Carver

But wait, is that statement true?  To some, excuses are validations that make an individual who is being or has become undependable to themselves and others, OK. Why?   Excuses can make an individuals feel justified about their ability to not be accountable.  Right?  Yes and no.  Do you agree? 

But wait, excuses can also be helpful to your self esteem and mental health, states a study from at the University of Florida.  At the same time excuses can allow you to be dismissive of your short coming in life or performance of simple task. 

So the question is, are excuses good or bad?  Well, consider this, we need to understand is our values, choices, decisions and the consequences of the excuses we make; because that helps us be more accountable and balanced.  Excuses have validity when they involve facts.  It’s important not to use excuses to justify our behavior on a consistent basis.  It’s important to use them to forgive yourself of the roadblocks we create that keep us from moving forward and reaching our goals; whether they are create by ourselves or others.  This does not mean others need to accept or forgive our excuses.  We must understand that there are consequences to making excuses.  So in the end, we have to realize excuses are all about the person who makes them not necessarily the person who they are directed to.  Also, remember everyone doesn’t have to accept your excuses or forgive you. 

Now, decide if excuses are worth it?  If they are, remember these three things:

1)      Own your mistakes, short comings, challenges. 

2)      Have a sense of humor

3)      Remember that though the excuse may make you feel better there may be consequences.


Death … Grief… and New Beginnings

This is a blog I’ve been thinking about for sometime.  Death is so final.  It’s frightening, sad and bleak.  But, that is not true.  A loss can be a start.  It’s the grief and mourning of memories both, unresolved and cherished, of a precious object, being, or person that makes death so difficult.  It is the idealize part of what was that makes that person, thing, etc., so important. We want to remember how it was.  The beauty, the joy and the feelings; however, death, endings and loss are a part of life.  I’m not saying not to grieve or rush through grief; but, you have to eventually, acknowledge that it has happened and want to move forward to see what is to come.  Why? Because, all are a part of life.  Still, it gets more challenging as you get older.  The more you rationalize and feel you understand ending and what they mean, the harder it is, to move forward and let go. 

But you are not alone.  What was your last loss? 

  • Was it a Job?
  • Relationship?
  • Death of a loved one?
  • Having to relocate and move, even if it was something you wanted to do because of job, school, marriage or caring for a loved one?
  • The disappearance, destruction, or even selling of a precious item or items.
  • The loss of you the life you had before an illness, birth or adoption of a child, or allowing someone you care about in your life.

If your loss is not mentioned, you fill in the blank.  Sometimes people carry baggage:

  • they hold on to clutter
  • stop trusting
  • loving
  • are fearful of taking another chance. 

These are symptoms or grief, denial, and fear of the acceptance that something or someone is gone.  But once you have accepted your loss there are so many opportunities to be had.  You will be starting a new adventure.  If you can accept your loss, you can look at life through new eyes.  The possibilities are endless. 

Cherish and celebrate your memories, especially the good things.  Don’t let them hold you back. 

This blog is dedicated to my father Dr. T. L. Alexander, Jr., who left us February 14, 2007, from symptoms related to Alzheimer’s.  He will never be forgotten and his legacy of working hard, loving well, saying and acting on his principles and living life to the fullest will always be celebrated.